East meets West
by Umeko
Summary: AU. Modern times, a trip to Japan for our Frenchmen and ladies. Will D'Eon survive his summer vacation between his sis and friends?
1. The Flight

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters. If I did, the ending would be very different indeed…

This is an AU, modern times fic in set in a world that is very different from 18th century France. This is a response to a challenge by XsecretX. Expect comic culture shock when our Frenchmen and Frenchwomen travel to the Land of the Rising Sun. Maybe D'Eon wearing a dress isn't that unusual at a Cosplay convention…

**1. The Flight**

D'Eon's POV

_Okay, so maybe I've fallen victim to my sis' wiles again. I hate flying but I am zipping about a couple thousand feet in the air in a pressurized aluminium can they call a plane. It is not natural! Don't get me started on the long haul flights and three transit stopovers…"Think about it, D'Eon! Spend your summer vacation in the exotic Far East… at the expense of Vee TV," she said. What she didn't tell me is that our dear stepbrother is joining us. Or her deadbeat buddy from college…I wish she had invited Anna instead…Well, Lia is the jet-setting lead anchorwoman of France's top cable network, so I suppose she could pull a few strings to… Oh no, don't feel so good… I get seasick just crossing the Channel to visit Aunt Mary. Where's that airsick bag? _

* * *

"D'EON! Not my loafers!" Durand shouted a warning as D'Eon spewed his breakfast. "Are we there yet? My butt's hurting from sitting so long…" a redhead youngster behind Durand whined. "Quit your yapping. Some of us are trying to sleep!" a grey-haired man complained. "When I was your age, we didn't have any planes and…"

"You rode east on horses with the Crusades, didn't you, Gramps?"

"Insolent brat! We came on troop transports to fight a war!" Robin yelped as he was swatted with a magazine. Teillagory then started off on a graphic description of the worst battles of WWII fought on the beaches of Normandy and Iwo Jima. D'Eon cringed as his stomach threatened revolt.

* * *

_Up front in business class… _

"Here's to a successful scoop," Lia and Maximilien clink martini glasses. "I wonder how D'Eon is coping back there…" Lia glanced at the curtain separating coach from business class. "Well, set your mind at ease. Durand did volunteer to baby-sit didn't he?" Maximilien lifted Lia's hand to his lips. Even if Durand couldn't, their old cameraman Teillagory and his grandson Robin should be able to keep him out of trouble. Maximilien's eyes caught sight of a familiar figure up front.

"Don't look now, Lia. I believe that guy in Seat 6B is our esteemed CEO Louis."

"I guess you are right… Guess he is going to meet up with Marie in Tokyo."

"Wait, is that lady next to him…"

"Yup, it's that bitch whose skirt he has his hand up recently," Lia replied without batting an eyelid. Maximilien's lips twisted in a sardonic grin. _Pompadour._ Marie would not be amused. The failing marriage between their CEO and their major shareholder Marie was old news. Everyone knew Louis married Marie because she was the heiress to Vee TV's predecessor, the multibillion dollar V-news.

"Marie will definitely file for divorce this time. And she will file for custody of her little boy," Lia sipped at her martini. Marie was in Japan to meet in secret with a certain well-known attorney to discuss the proceedings. Of course, most of the office did not know that. Lia grinned. She had fixed that appointment. There would be one helluva shake-up in the network when Marie takes over. Whatever happens, Lia wanted to make sure her position and those of her closest friends are secured. Humming, she studied their planned itinerary for Sexy Sukino Report which they will be filming later in their trip.

* * *

_Narita Airport, Japan…_

"Hallelujah, terra firma!" D'Eon shakily smiled as he staggered off the plane with Durand's help. "I can't wait to check into that resort…" A vision of a soothing spa and scenic mountains filled his mind.

"Eh? Didn't Mademoiselle Lia tell you? We have to catch another 2 hour flight to Hokkaido where the resort is…" Robin chirped. "D'Eon?" D'Eon fainted. "Medic! We need a medic here!" Durand called out. He pulled off his jacket and started flapping it over D'Eon's face. _Where was Lia?_

In the ladies, Lia was in the midst of a conversation on her mobile…

"Elizaveta will be at the hot springs resort… No, there is a little creamery there you can get Anna to take Auguste to. The proprietor is half-French… Their cheesecakes are to die for… Oh, you wouldn't believe what I saw on the flight. Louis and Pompadour. Maximilien has gone to verify their flight details, they are heading the same way as us… you need some evidence? Come on, that is a piece of cake. Max and I were PIs before we signed up with Vee TV…"

She switched off her phone and walked out. Marie, her son and their young au pair were already in Sapporo. They should be reaching the resort before them.

Durand checked his watch. They needed to catch their bus to Haneda for the domestic flight. D'Eon's face was still as white as a sheet and he was sprawled over a bench in the arrival hall.

* * *

_Chitose airport, Hokkaido_

Marie, the daughter of a media mogul and major shareholder of Vee TV, hung up on Lia and slipped on her Louis Vutton sunglasses. Anna was positively struggling with their luggage. Marie smiled as she walked over to help. Auguste was seated nearby. Belle yipped from her travel cage, tail wagging in glee. "Shiro Koibito chocs!" Anna's eyes glowed with sheer delight when she spotted the pricey and famous confection in a store window. The young au pair did have a sweet tooth. "Ah, Royce chocolates… Japanese fluffy cheesecake… Hokkaido ice cream…"

"Go easy on those, Anna. Our shopping is only just starting," Marie smiled. Her eyes were on an expensive Burberry's overcoat and matching scarf. Those Prada killer heels look lovely.

* * *

_On the connecting flight… _

"Durand? Why is my brother semi-conscious?" Lia asked sweetly as she passed an Astroboy comic book to Robin, which the boy grudgingly accepted. She thought Robin could use some reading materials to keep him from annoying Teillagory or Durand. Robin thought he was too old for kiddie comics. "Sorry, Lia. I guess those pills knocked him out…" Durand replied sheepishly. "What pills may those be?" she asked. D'Eon let out a soft moan in his seat and sucked his thumb. "Probably those he got busted for possession of back in Paris' Coco Bongo," Robin replied.

"DURAND! What did you slip into my brother's OJ?" Lia grabbed Durand by his Armani scarf. Durand started choking.

"Miss, please kindly refrain from strangling your boyfriend on this flight…" a smiling air stewardess bowed politely. Lia took the Astroboy comic from Robin and swatted Durand. "Just some sleeping pills. I mickey-finned him, that's all!"

"Miss, we will have to divert this flight if you two keep fighting…" the air stewardess said.

"Lia, he should come out of it by the time we reach Hokkaido, I only slipped him one…"

"He better, Durand…" Maximilien folded his arms as he took in the sight from business class. "Keep it down, please. You are going to ruin the sound. I have reason to believe our CEO and his paramour are hogging the plane's washroom for some kinky purposes. We can't let this flight be diverted, can't we?" He patted his coat and trousers in mock seriousness. "Now where did I put my camera pen?"

Lia giggled. She bet Max had his pen switched to record. Maximilien had visited the business class washroom just before Louis and his mistress commandeered it. The other washroom had a suspicious _'Out of Order'_ sign written in both Japanese and French. She would need to slip in next to retrieve Max's pen. "I think I need to powder my nose…" Lia took her place before the occupied washroom and ripped off the 'Out of Order' sign on the other one.

"You two are devious," Durand chuckled.

**Author's Notes:**

I turned Belle from a talking skull to a dog. It will be plain freaky if a well-dressed socialite like Marie totes a skull about. Chihuahuas are a different matter. Anna sounds like a bubbly teenaged girl.


	2. Welcome to Hokkaido

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

**2. Welcome to Hokkaido**

Robin's POV

_I am just an ordinary kid going on holiday with Gramps. Why do I have to travel with Durand and the other crew from Vee-TV. My contract with the company ended after my ma decided I will go further if I concentrated on my studies and become a lawyer. I hate school. Of course, my voice is starting to break and my voice coach told me that I will lose that asset soon. My grown-up voice doesn't seem to be anything to crow about. The fact is, I have not cut another CD since I was eight. This is my last bit of freedom before ma packs me off to cram school so that I can get into a decent university. Gramps is going to put out his back with those bags. Better go help him…_

"Allow me to give you a hand, Gramps," Robin offered.

"Careful, lad. The equipment in these bags are fragile," Teillagory warned.

"Wow! It sure is crowded here. Wonder where our guide…" Durand's words died on his lips when he spotted a tanned man with dreadlocks vigorously waving a placard with the French flag printed on it. The words under the flag read in English: 'WELLCOME, FRENCH FROGGIES'. He made a mental note to give the minimum tip possible to their guide. Robin was wrestling with their overloaded luggage trolley. The tanned man helped him steady the bag.

"Are you our guide? We are from Vee-TV…" Lia stepped up to the man. A thin blond girl in a T-shirt and hot pants joined the tanned man.

"Hiya, I am Sakamoto Ryoma. I will be your driver and Sara here will be your guide!" the man guffawed heartily and shook Lia's hand. Sarah smiled sweetly and winked at the tourists. She had blond hair and blue eyes. All the Frenchmen felt their breath catch. She was a real cutie-pie. Lia elbowed Maximilien for staring too long.

"Hello, gorgeous…" Durand approached the tour guide. To his utter amazement, the woman ignored him and walked up to Robin with an excited squeal. "You're that French boy who sang 'Little Drummer'! I am, like, your biggest fan! Can you please autograph my belly?" She lifted her T-shirt to expose her midriff. She lifted it high enough to expose her fish-net brassiere. Blushing furiously, Robin obliged.

"What was that about?" Durand demanded. "Well, Durand… I was the lead singer of a kid band a few years back… Had a few concerts, did a world tour, you know…" Robin shrugged. Durand cursed under his breath. He had forgotten that Robin was talent-spotted in grade school by Vee-TV entertainment as a child actor.

* * *

Their transport was a sturdy mini van. "Er, I was about to pop in some J-pop to get you chaps in the mood for enjoying Hokkaido… but Sarah here insists we pop this one on instead," Sakamoto slipped a CD into the player. A small boy's voice filled the van. Durand chuckled. "Robin, you sound like a chipmunk!" Robin cringed and shrank into his seat as Durand ribbed him mercilessly. Oblivious, Teillagory happily filmed the scenery from the back seat as they sped off.

"Lay off the boy, Durand. If my memory does not fail me, you had a squeaky voice when we were in grade school," Lia warned. Beside her, Maximilien chuckled. "And he sounded like bullfrog when his voice started to break. Thank God it fixed itself after that." He fiddled with his pen and laptop. "Aw, I thought we would get some good shots," Lia frowned. The picture was blurred and appeared to be a close-up of a human rump. The sounds, played at a low volume, did enough to suggest their CEO was getting hot and heavy in the airline's washroom.

"Hey, are you enjoying yourself?" D'Eon found himself sitting next to the cheerful tour guide. "I guess so," he replied. "You speak good French…"

"I did my studies in France, like Sakamoto did. Get him to cook some soufflés later at the resort," she leaned towards him. D'Eon leaned back and fell off the seat onto Teillagory's bag of camera equipment. "D'EON!" Teillagory roared at the sound of something breaking under the man's weight.

"Sorry!"

Sakamoto shrugged. This bunch was a raucous lot. The blond couple behind him were busy poring over their laptop. The brunette and the lad were having an argument in the backseat and the old man was almost strangling the young college student for smashing his spare camera lens. All the while, a young Robin's voice crooned Christmas-sy carols out of season. Sarah was quietly texting the resort to inform them of their impending arrival.

Enough was enough. He reached over to his CD collection and selected a hearty Natsukawa collection of Okinawan-styled songs. It wasn't long before he was singing along with the music.

* * *

"No crab. I am allergic," Lia stressed to the reception desk. "Hai!" the resort's proprietor, a matronly woman in a pink kimono, bowed politely as she passed Lia her key. The resort was a self-contained village of sorts. Sakamoto rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he finished unloading the last of the bags. "Sugar Plum, did you give the lovebirds the honeymoon suite?" he asked as he rolled the trolley into the lobby.

"Sakamoto, you rascal…" Katsura Umeko's eyes twinkled mischievously. She had indeed given Lia and Maximilien the honeymoon suite. The grandfather would share his room with the boy and the two young men would bunk together.

Stepping into their room, Teillagory removed his shoes and pulled his beret over his eyes. He slipped on the inn's slippers before settling into an armchair for a doze. Robin checked out his surroundings and soon realised something was missing. Puzzled, he returned downstairs.

"Excuse me, there are no beds in our room!" Robin said when he returned to the reception desk. "This is a traditional Japanese inn, they don't have beds but futons," Lia explained. "They will put the bedding on the tatami at night…" She was sitting in the lobby enjoying a cup of café latte with Maximilien and the others.

"You mean sleep on the floor? Gramps' bones will kill him tomorrow… OW!" Robin rubbed his head. Teillagory had joined him at the desk. "Pah, I am not some weakling. I can sleep on a straw mat if need be and still be fine!" the old man harrumphed and adjusted his beret. It was an old thing that looked as if it had been purchased at an army surplus store in the 1940's.

"We will put a hot water bottle in your futon to warm it a bit," Umeko jotted it down in her notebook. "I will also recommend a soak in our hot spring before bed. It does wonders for old aches…" She blinked and stared at Robin. "Wait, aren't you that boy who acted in that French production of Rose of Versailles? You acted as the Queen's son, the Dauphin! You were so cute!"

"Not the cheeks! No!" the former child actor yelped as Umeko pinched his cheeks. "Looks like you have another fan here, your majesty…" Durand teased.

"Sis, I don't like the idea of you and Max sharing. I could bunk with you and Max can share with Durand…" D'Eon suggested. The sleeping arrangements bugged him. "Nonsense. Max and I will be working late. We don't want to bother you or Durand…" Lia swept aside his concerns with a wave of her well-manicured hand. The dinner arrangement was to be traditional Japanese fare… "Oh holy freaking mother of…" she stopped on the edge of blasphemy.

"Darling, I can't wait…" Pompadour twittered as she entered the lobby on Louis' arm. The man was a puffed up as a puffer fish as he dreamed about a weekend with his mistress. The smile on his face died when he recognized the knot of Vee-TV employees gathered in the lobby. Teillagory coughed and looked out at the Japanese garden in the courtyard. Durand pretended to be reading a copy of the _Asashi Shinbun _from the table, held upside-down. Max and Lia pretended to be staring into each other's eyes. Robin simply stared round-eyed as he rubbed his sore cheeks. D'Eon wondered why everyone had stopped talking. The atmosphere was awkward to say the least.

"Papa! Smile!" a little boy skittered into the lobby with a camera and snapped away furiously before running away. That was young Auguste. Marie and her au pair were undoubtedly in the vicinity. Luois blanched and turned quite green. Umeko grinned wickedly. This was better than a soap opera.

"Ekaterina, the spa here is to die for. You have to try the sauna…" a pair of blond, well-dressed Russian women strode into the lobby. The resort's bellboy struggled with the ladies' bags. Umeko smiled and went to the key rack. Elizaveta Romanov and her colleague Ekaterina have arrived.

**Author's Notes: **

I have introduced some OCs and other characters from other animes.

Sakamoto Ryoma (Peacemaker Kurogane) – brash, loud-spoken, cowboy-ish.

Sarah (Peacemaker Kurogane) – blond, sexy ninja lady.

Katsura Umeko (OC) – matronly innkeeper


	3. Hot Spring

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

The traditional way of enjoying a hot spring – shower first, rinse with soap, enter hot spring pool in the nude and enjoy. Enough, get out, shower and dress.

There are segregated bathing and mixed bathing.

**3. Hot Spring**

Teillagory's POV

_This is highly improper… I mean, I would not mind soaking in the nude with the guys but mixed bathing? Whoa! What if some ladies are in there? I don't think my little soldier will be standing to attention but you can't be sure… What if a hot chick comes in? And there is always that old ticker to think of… Well, I have been without Madeline for the last ten years and it does get a tad lonesome at night… I'm sure my dear departed wife will not mind if I start looking for another. I hear Asian girls are demure and obedient. Great in the housework department… but I would like someone I can chat with… a lady with some brains, not too fierce though… Maybe not too young either or my daughter will give me hell… What am I thinking? I've got Robin here with me. Not a good time for wife-seeking… _

"Come on, Gramps!" Robin urged. "Aren't you joining us, D'Eon?" Without waiting to see if his companions were following him out of the showers, Robin ran into the outdoor hot spring. "Really, this is highly indecent…" Teillagory complained as he held a towel hitched modestly around his waist. "Robin, are there any ladies in there?"

Like the old cameraman, D'Eon had his towel wrapped round his waist. The showers were separate but the hot spring pool was shared. He had only learned about that from Robin. The custom was to enjoy the spring au natural but D'Eon was not going to appear naked before any woman. He had only been seen in the nude by one woman since he was ten. When at age sixteen, he passed out in the shower from a wasp sting and Lia kicked in the bathroom door so the paramedics could get to him.

Unfortunately, his swimming trunks had gone missing in his luggage. And he had packed disposable paper underwear for the trip.

"Nope, we have the place to ourselves," Robin called out. He had already entered the water and was merrily splashing about.

"Well, it looks steamy enough…" Teillagory shed his towel. The water was tinged milky white by the minerals. It should hide anything below the water level. The old man joined the redhead in the water. D'Eon eased himself in, towel and all. Hearing female voices approaching, he hurried to the furthest corner of the pool and faced away from the entrance.

"Ooh… the water is so soothing," Teillagory's whiskers twitched in delight as the warm water eased his stubborn aches.

"Yes, the water does wonders for the skin as well…" a nude Elizaveta entered the water. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel on her head. Her companion Ekaterina joined her, blushing slightly when she realised that there were others in the pool. She hurriedly entered the water so that the steam hid her state of undress.

"Would you like some drinks or snacks?" the innkeeper Umeko asked from the entrance to the spring where she had been picking up discarded towels for the laundry. "Give me the usual, plum wine and rice crackers please… no, wait, please prepare four sets and put them by the sauna room," Elizaveta ordered. "And another set with fruit juice."

"As you wish, I will recommend the cherry juice," Umeko replied and bowed politely before leaving with the dirty towels.

"Is that a bullet wound?" Elizaveta asked and batted her eyelashes at Teillagory. "Oh, it was a bullet from a machine gun at Normandy…" Teillagory touched the old scar on his shoulder. "Really? You don't look that old…" Elizaveta said with a smile. Sensing a flirtation in progress, Robin waded off to a safe distance. _Grown-ups were weird_, he decided. His thought was confirmed when Maximilien entered supporting an obviously drunk Durand. Both were nude.

"Durand, are you sure you are up to it? That sake was strong alcohol…" Entering the hot spring drunk could be bad…

"Pah, did you see that big guy keel over after five cups? I can still stand…" Durand slurred. He was drunk. "It's your funeral, _mon ami_…" Max shrugged and allowed his friend to stagger into the pool. He had expected a cold shower to cure Durand of his inebriation. He was wrong.

* * *

Inside, Umeko slapped her forehead and glared at Sakamoto Ryoma, who was snoring over the reception counter. _How the hell did he get so drunk so early in the day?_ She needed help in the kitchens and there was that problem with the French couple quarrelling… and that Italian couple selling dodgy pills in the lobby… She felt a headache coming on. She took her inflatable naginata and smacked their driver over the head.

"Ow, Mom… let me sleep in…"

"WAKE UP!" This was not good. They needed Sakamoto sober enough to drive the guests out to the festival village later… "Hey, Sarah, you got your driver's license for a bus yet?" Maybe they could prepare a fireworks show instead for tonight.

* * *

"Is that Lia?" Durand nudged Maximilien. Elizaveta and Ekaterina had left the pool. Teillagory had gone into the shower room. Robin was trying out the cold water pool. "I doubt it," Max murmured. The warm water was making him sleepy. "I'm gonna sneak a kiss from her," Durand giggled. "Don't try…" Max murmured. Durand was already wading over to where D'Eon was drowsing from the warm water. His hair had come undone and was floating in the water.

"Yoohoo, Lia! I love you!" Durand bear-hugged an unsuspecting D'Eon from behind and kissed him on the nape of the neck. "How about little Lia and little Durand get to know each other better? Let's get to the room and relive spring break in Capri…"

"Unhand me at once!" D'Eon pushed Durand away and into the pool. "And leave my sis alone, you pervert!"

"Oh man, this is kinky… D'Eon, Durand and Miss Lia doing a threesome," Robin murmured as he shook his head to rid it of the image his teenage imagination had conjured up. D'Eon hit Durand, who landed in the water with a splash. "He is such an idiot when drunk," Max waded over to break up the fight. It would never do for their sound man to be drowned in a pool by their anchorwoman's brother.

* * *

In the sauna-room…

"Ah, you're right, the wine is lovely…" Marie sipped at her plum wine. "And the sweets are so darling. How did you meet?" Marie, Lia and Anna have been joined in the sauna by the lawyer and her assistant. "At a Zen retreat in my second year college exchange," Lia made a face. "Spent a week of my vacation in a temple, meditating on life at ungodly hours while a crazy monk whacks us on the shoulders with a broom stick."

"Grabbing the stick from the monk and beating him with it was not on the itinerary," Elizaveta chuckled at the memory. Lia was a feisty young lady. Anna happily chatted with Ekaterina about the latest fashion. "Anna, I believe Auguste will be waking from his nap soon," Marie prompted. "Right away, ma'am," Anna grabbed her towel and finished her cherry juice before heading for the showers. "She is a good girl. I suppose I should be thankful that cheating husband of mine didn't try to touch her," Marie whispered as soon as Anna left.

"If he did, I will seriously punish him," Lia said seriously. Innocent Anna was a childhood friend of hers. "Let's get down to business, ladies," Elizaveta prompted. "Given your financial standing and the proof of adultery, I would say that the court may judge in your favour. However, the splitting of assets…" She wanted to get their business done with as little fuss as possible so that she could spend some time with the old gentleman she met earlier in the pool.

* * *

"D'Eon, do you mind nipping over to the store for some items? I seem to have broken my nail file…" Lia frowned at her chipped nail.

"No problem, sis," D'Eon said. He was intending to grab a coffee from the store or the vending machines outside anyway. "I need a toothbrush and toothpaste please!" Robin said. "Hangover medicine…" Durand moaned. "Hey, I'm not getting you anything, pervert," D'Eon retorted.

"Since you are heading there, we have compiled a list of things needed…." Teillagory cut in. "Your Japanese is as good as Lia's, so…" he handed a list of items to D'Eon. "Yes, sir," the young man replied before walking across the street to the local 24 hour.

* * *

"_Irrashaimase_!" Shop assistant Makimachi Misao chirped as D'Eon stepped through the door. Her colleague Shinomori Aoshi did not look up from his stocktaking by the drinks. D'Eon scanned through the list Teillagory had given him as he strolled down the store's aisles. _Toothpaste and toothbrush, check… nail file, check…oh, those snacks look good… coffee, I guess milk is good…_the Frenchman happily placed various items in his basket.

"Excuse me, do you any hangover medicine?" he asked the young man re-stocking the pharmacy counter. Aoshi only gave a grunt and pointed at a row of small blue bottles. "_Arigato_…" D'Eon took a bottle of anti-hangover pills. "Take two every six hours," Aoshi instructed. "You look too young to drink..."

"Oh, it's for my friend," D'Eon looked at his list and paled when he saw the last item on the list. "Er, where are your condoms…"

Aoshi pointed at the shelves behind the cashier's counter. "Ask her for them." D'Eon went from white to red in the face. He had to ask the young lady behind the counter for those damned things. He slowly inched towards the counter.

"May I help you, sir?" Misao beamed. "I n-need c-con-con…" D'Eon stuttered helplessly. "Misao, could you get the young gentleman a packet of regular condoms?" Aoshi said in a deadpan tone from where he was standing at the other end of the store. "Hai, Aoshi-sama!" Misao chirped. "I guess I better give you the demonstration," she winked mischievously at D'Eon. She reached below the counter, pulled out a banana and a condom and started her demonstration on the proper use of the contraceptive.

"Now you try it," Misao passed D'Eon the banana and the condom. Just at that moment, Anna entered the store with Auguste in tow. "D'Eon? Why are you holding a banana with a rubber cap on it?" D'Eon almost died of embarrassment. "Ice-cream! I want ice-cream cone!" Auguste clapped his hands and pointed at the ice-cream machine. "One ice-cream cone please," Anna ordered in halting Japanese.

"Right away," Misao skilfully produced an ice-cream cone for the little boy. "Anything else I could help you with, miss?"

Anna looked at D'Eon awkwardly. "D'Eon, could you help me ask her for tampons please?"

**Author's Notes:**

Poor D'Eon. Talk about embarrassment.

Arigato – thank you

Irrashaimase – welcome/ good bye/ thank you (greeting used for customers)

Makimachi Misao (Rurouni Kenshin) – cheerful young teenager and ninja

Shinomori Aoshi (Rurouni Kenshin) – quiet young man and leader of a ninja clan. Here, they are just store assistants.


	4. Dining with Death

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters. .

**4. Dining with Death**

"Aw, Sugar Plum, I can drive them after dinner…" Sakamoto slurred. "Oh no, you aren't!" Umeko retorted. The last thing they needed was Sakamoto getting his ass hauled over for dunk driving again or worse. _Plan B._ "Nami, get those guys from the Miburo dojo on the phone pronto!" She could provide some music too. Her old shamisen was still stashed under the counter.

"Er, are you sure that's wise, Aunt Umeko?" the housekeeper looked unsure. "The last time someone almost lost an ear." Their bellboy Tetsunosuke still had the scar.

"Have a dinner invitation extended to Takani-sensei too." With a trained doctor in the house, they should have all bases covered. She looked up just as the young Frenchman was returning through the lobby door.

"Here's your toothpaste and toothbrush," D'Eon handed the items to the boy. "_Merci._ I'll pay you back next week," Robin replied before he went off to his room. D'Eon noticed that Robin had changed into the resort's yukata.

"D'Eon, will you please put these in my room?" Lia called out to him. She waved her arm over a stack of brochures and travel maps. "Sure, sis…" D'Eon agreed. Lia was also clad in the hotel's yukata.

"The meds please…" Durand moaned from the lobby's sofa. Umeko had placed a cup of green tea before him. D'Eon handed the grocery bag to Durand before he scooped up the brochures. "Take two every six hours," he instructed. Durand nodded, rubbing his temples.

* * *

"Wow," D'Eon let out a whistle at the size and sheer elegance of Lia's suite. His was like a broom closet compared to this. He placed the brochures on the table and stepped back to admire the view of the lake from the window. "Oops!" he bumped into a suitcase, knocking it over. Assorted items spewed out of the unlocked luggage. "Oh hell…" It was Lia's suitcase. Hurriedly, he grabbed the items and started cramming them back in. He touched something oddly long and leathery.

He stopped suddenly and stared at what he was holding in his hand. It was a whip. He gaped. He took a closer look at his sister's luggage. There was a very skimpy leather corset outfit festooned with chains and a French maid uniform. There was also a small book titled _'101 Ways to Jazz up your Love Life'_. The cover was embellished with a picture of a couple engaged in passionate French-kissing.

* * *

"D'Eon? Why is your face red?" Lia asked when he returned to the lobby. D'Eon muttered something unintelligible. He noticed that their stepbrother, Maximilien, was wearing his yukata as well and he had his hand resting on Lia's thigh. D'Eon realized belatedly that the moaning sounds he heard at night back home whenever Max was staying over was not the wind as Lia claimed.

"Woohoo, D'Eon! You rascal!" Durand punched D'Eon lightly on the shoulder. The pills and hot tea had cured his hangover. He twirled a small box in his fingers. "Look what I found in your groceries." D'Eon blanched. _The condoms!_ "If you and your little girlfriend need some privacy for a couple of hours, just say the word and I will go bother Robin and his grandfather for a bit.

"They aren't mine!" D'Eon yelped and tried to snatch the condoms from Durand. The older man held them just out of his reach. To D'Eon's alarm, he saw Anna and Marie approaching. Both women were wearing lovely yukatas. Anna looked simply adorable in her pink cherry blossom print yukata with its red obi. Clad in a green bamboo print yukata, Marie cuddled her precious pooch in her arms. Her young son scampered around the pair in a ninja get-up.

"They will have a ninja show at dinner!" Auguste squealed in excitement. "They just told us that! There will be cool knife-throwing and…"

Teillagory came along, stroking his whiskers. "Say, D'Eon, how much do I owe you for these?" he deftly snatched the condoms out of Durand's hand. Both younger men stared at the elderly cameraman. Unable to speak, D'Eon signed the amount. "Keep the change," the old man pressed a bill into D'Eon's palm.

"Sure you can get it up, Gramps?" Durand asked incredulously. Teillagory shot him a killer glare.

"Aren't you two going to change into your yukata for dinner?" Lia asked. "Right away, sis!" D'Eon thankfully fled the scene.

* * *

"What if we get deep vein thrombosis or something from this?" Robin asked when he saw the dining arrangements. Elizaveta and Ekaterina were kneeling demurely with their dinner set out before them on a low table. The lawyer was waving to Teillagory and beckoning him to a place beside her. Teillagory readily accepted the invitation. Maximilien had assumed a cross-legged posture. D'Eon was glaring as Lia poured out sake for their stepbrother.

"This seafood is raw!" Robin exclaimed. "The chef must have been lazy!"

"It's called sashimi, Robin. It's real fresh," Durand was already sampling his salmon sashimi. Robin fiddled with his chopsticks before giving up in favour of the fork that had been provided for not so adept chopstick users.

"You must try this, Max," Lia picked up a piece of sushi with her chopsticks and fed it to Maximilien. D'Eon scowled. Anna was feeding Auguste his dinner, a kid's version with cutely-shaped croquettes. "Auguste, please sit down and eat your dinner. You shouldn't make Anna run about like that," his mother chided. The boy took his place beside his mother. "Anna, how is Auguste's piano lessons coming along?" she asked. Her busy schedule meant that she had little time to track her son's progress and education. Thankfully, Anna was able to help her with that.

"Ma'am, I am afraid Auguste is not as interested in piano as in sports…" Anna answered truthfully.

"When's the ninja show starting? And will Papa be joining us?" Marie smiled at the mention of her husband. She could expect Louis to order room service or a change of accommodations. If he did show up, Ekaterina had the divorce papers ready in her room.

* * *

"Louis, why must we leave? I want to make it clear to that woman that you are leaving her for me!" Pompadour huffed. "In fact, I am going to tell her that now at dinner."

"Now, sweetie, let's not be too hasty," Louis pleaded as he ran after her.

"Having women problem, sir?" Cagliostro asked mildly as Louis passed him. Louis nodded awkwardly before running off after his mistress. "Uh-oh," Cagliostro hastily lifted his newspaper up to his face. "We have a couple, not our guests mind you," Nami explained to Constable Saitou Hajime. "We suspect they are pushing drugs to our guests… you know… They are foreigners, possibly Italian, according to Sakamoto…"

"Would this Sakamoto be the same guy we busted for drunk driving last year?" Saitou asked. "That was last year," Nami placed her hands on her hips and grabbed the cigarette from the policeman's mouth. "Sir, this is a no-smoking zone." She stubbed the offending cig into a pot of soil with a bamboo plant. The policeman only fished out another stick and lit it in plain view of the livid housekeeper. The suspected drug pusher hastily beat a retreat into the gardens where his partner waited with their goods.

* * *

The hot pot was delicious, the sashimi fresh and as D'Eon found out, wriggling. "My octopus sashimi is wriggling!" D'Eon exclaimed when the tentacle curled around his chopstick. "That only proves it's fresh," Durand sipped at his green tea. "Chew well and you'll be fine… D'Eon?" Durand glanced at D'Eon, who was clutching at his throat and making choking sounds. He was turning an alarming shade of blue.

""D'Eon" Anna shrieked in alarm. The young man staggered towards the door in hopes of reaching the washroom outside the dining hall. "Allow me," Durand caught up with D'Eon as he was fumbling with the sliding door. The brunette started administering the Heimlich manoeuvre.

The door slid open. "Marie, I must talk to you about…" Pompadour burst into the room just as the offending piece of tentacle was dislodged from D'Eon throat. The woman shrilled as the slimy thing landed down the front of her low-cut blouse. "Get it out! Get it out!" she fled. Marie turned around in the middle of her conversation with Elizaveta over Auguste's sporting interests. "That's odd. I could have sworn I heard that woman's voice."

"Feel better?" Lia fussed over her brother. "He'll live," Maximilien commented calmly. The colour was returning to D'Eon's face.

D'Eon drank some water before resuming his meal.

DONG! The curtain on a small stage at one end of the room rose and Umeko stood beside the large gong she had just hit. "Monsieurs and Mademoiselles," Sara announced from the stage. "We hope you are enjoying our humble dinner fare." She was dressed in a kimono. "Due to unforeseen complications, we will not be going to the festival village as originally planned. Instead, we have lined up a night of entertainment specially for you. To start off the show, please welcome the Yamazaki siblings and their death-defying stunts!"

There was a poof of stage smoke and Yamazaki Ayumu and Susumu appeared in their ninja get-up. Ayumu took a position against a backdrop of a humanoid outline with balloons around it while her brother took out his kunai. He deliberately stood with his back to his sister. "Yamazaki-san will now attempt to throw his kunai over his shoulder without hurting his sister!" Sara announced. "And he has to hit the balloons, all of them."

Yamazaki Susumu nonchalantly popped every single balloon without breaking into a sweat. Ayumu spun around to show that she was unscathed. The siblings switched over with Ayumu tossing her shuriken at her brother while he held a spinning pinwheel between his teeth. .

D'Eon liberally poured the resort's special sauce over his ton-katsu. He tasted it. It was deliciously sweet. He noticed that his sister's tray was without the sauce plate. _How odd…_ "Want some, sis?" Lia was busy laughing at something Maximilien said. D'Eon poured a little of his sauce onto Lia's ton-katsu.

"Bravo!" Robin clapped his hands in delight. "That's nothing," Teillagory scoffed. It was nothing more than the usual circus stunts. The Yamazaki siblings took a bow and the next act came on.

"Let's welcome swordsman Okita-san to show us his skill!" Sara announced. A young man in white came onstage with a drawn katana. Two of the resort staff had several rolled up straw mats set up in a row across the stage. Okita raised his blade and rapidly slashed through each mat in turn. "Now we need a brave volunteer from the audience," Sara called out as she held out an apple. Her eyes scanned the audience before resting on a potential target. "Will the young gentleman with the blond ponytail like to come onstage?"

"Go on, D'Eon!" Lia urged her brother. "You're the man," Durand slapped him on the back. D'Eon reluctantly got up, feeling the prickling sensation of pins and needles in his feet.

"I don't like this, maybe I should go do my shamisen recital," Umeko frowned from backstage. "No, Sugar Plum, you're the worst shamisen player ever in the history of Japan," Sakamoto blurted out. Umeko glared at him. "Where's Takani-sensei?" he changed the topic. "She ought to be on her way…" the proprietor said. She fished out her cell phone and dialled Takani's number.

"_Sorry, Umeko-san… I have a little emergency. Yahiko fell into a hornet's nest. I will drop by as soon as we get him admitted…"_

Seeing the young man place the apple on his head, Umeko started praying really, really hard. Okita smiled coolly and raised his sword. It was going to be a vertical slash. The room went silent.

D'Eon was sweating in fear. Sara took out a blindfold. "Is that for me?" D'Eon whispered. "No," Sara shook her head and walked over to the swordsman. "Whatever happens, don't move a muscle…"

D'Eon swallowed hard. Blindfolded, Okita lowered his sword blade tentatively before raising up in a lightning-fast move. The apple on D'Eon's head split into two and the sharp blade just stopped short of D'Eon's scalp. Suddenly weak-kneed, D'Eon collapsed amidst the applause from the audience.

"Gee, at least it wasn't my ear this time," the younger bellboy touched his scarred ear. "Tatsu-nii?" he turned around to find that his brother had fainted. The younger teen shrugged. Okita took a bow as the Yamazaki siblings helped D'Eon off the stage.

"Have a drink, D'Eon. You were so brave," Lia coaxed. She suddenly felt itchy. _How odd, she had specially requested that her meal be crab-free…_ Maybe it was just the heat…

**Author's Notes:**

Wonder how the crab got into Lia's dinner?

Nami (OC) – Umeko's housekeeper and personal assistant.

Saitou Hajime (Rurouni Kenshin)- former Shinsengumi captain turned Meiji era cop. In this fic, he is just an obnoxious neighbourhood cop.

Yamazaki siblings Susumu and Ayumu (Peacemaker Kurogane) – ninja siblings who have a remarkable resemblance to each other. Here, they are performers.

Okita Souji (Peacemaker Kurogane) – Shinsengumi captain and master swordsman. Here, he is just a skilled swordsman. Move over, Lia.


	5. One Man's Poison

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

**5. One Man's Poison**

"I never put any crab sauce in Lia-san's meal, I swear!" a flustered chef Himura insisted. "But Takani-sensei says she's experiencing an allergic reaction to crab," Umeko said. "Well, it could have been worse," Takani Megumi admitted. "Lia-san only experienced itchiness and a bad rash, nothing a week of my medicine and rest wouldn't fix."

Everyone had been taken aback when Lia dashed out of the dining hall in the middle of the show when two young girls were performing some traditional Japanese music. Anna later found her in the Ladies with her face and body breaking out in a severe rash. It was fortunate that Takani-sensei arrived at that moment to answer that dinner invitation and in time to meet her first patient. Given Lia's history of allergy, the cause was swiftly pinpointed. Lia retreated to the safety of her room with Anna and large bottle of calamine lotion courtesy of the resort.

"The only thing in the menu with crab tonight is the house's specialty ton-katsu sauce and I left replaced that with mayo for her set," waitress Tomoe said. "Unless someone else added the sauce to her meal, I don't see how else it could have gotten there…"

Overhearing their conversation, D'Eon went pale. He looked guiltily at his socks. He was responsible for his sister's allergic reaction.

Umeko took Lia's tray and sniffed at the empty plate. It smelled of the house specialty sauce. Any one of the party could have added it intentionally or unknowingly to the ton-katsu. "I better go apologize to her and see that she is comfortable..." She hitched up her skirts and strode over to the rooms.

Umeko rolled her eyes in disbelief as she spotted Lia tossing her boyfriend's luggage out of their room. She was wearing a Japanese face mask. A calm Maximilien retrieved his belongings. "Excuse me, ma'am. Do you happen to have a spare room I can use?" he smiled mildly.

* * *

Teillagory straightened his collar and cleared his throat. Elizaveta had invited him to her room for a night-cap but the twinkle in her eye suggested it was more than a drink she had in mind. The war veteran wondered if the bouquet he had bought on a whim was presentable. It was old-school but he preferred to do the wooing properly.

"Psst!" Cagliostro hissed from behind a potted bamboo plant. Teillagory paused in mid-step. He saw a plump man and a blond, scantily-dressed woman emerge from behind the potted bamboos. "Looking for company?" Lorenza purred.

"No thanks, ma'am. I already have a date," the old man's whiskers twitched. "Then may I interest you in these little blue pills? You don't want to disappoint the lady tonight…" Cagliostro took his wares out of his pocket.

"Gotcha!" A broomstick smacked Cagliostro over the head. The proprietor emerged from behind a painted screen. "Get lost, no drug-pushers or call-girls allowed in my place!" Umeko screeched like banshee and wielded her broom like a naginata. "Call the cops, Nami!"

"Right away!" the young woman dialled for the cops. The two Italians fled. The old Frenchman shrugged and continued on his way to his Russian date. Meanwhile, his grandson played Tetris on his gameboy.

"Madame?" Teillagory rapped on the door. "Come on in, soldier!" Clad in a sheer silk nightgown, Elizaveta slid the door open, laughing and took his arm, dragging him inside. The flowers were left in the corridor. In the next room, Ekaterina looked up from her romance novel and reached for her ear plugs. Elizaveta could be vocal when she was enjoying herself.

* * *

"Lia's sensitive. She doesn't want me to see her in her condition," Maximilien explained apologetically as he brushed his hair. "I really don't know what happened. It's a pity Lia's allergic to crab. The ton-katsu tasted great with that crab-based sauce…"

Durand was listening to his walkman and bopping to the latest J-rock. Maximilien put down his brush and crawled over the futons to him. He yanked the headphones off Durand's ears. "Mon ami, we have a problem… Lia's out of action for a week and we have a show to make before we fly home, any suggestions?"

"We could get someone to stand in for her. You could do the show …" Durand complained as he snatched back his headphones. "It is Travels with Lia de Beaumont, not Maximilien Nobody. We need a blond lady who looks like Lia…" Maximilien's words trailed off as a cunning smile came to his face. Durand saw where Maximilien was looking. D'Eon was sitting before the mirror, combing his long blond hair.

"Maximilien, you sly devil…" Durand caught on to Maximilien's plan. Maximilen stared thoughtfully at his stepbrother.

* * *

"Lia, I have a confession to make… I slipped crab-sauce into your ton-katsu… no, that wouldn't do…" D'Eon agonized over how to make it up to his sister as he sat on the potty. Outside, his roomies were running through their plans for the shoot.

"Hey, Max. I think you took Lia's stuff by mistake," D'Eon remarked when he saw Maximilien's toiletries on the countertop. _Hand cream, hair conditioner, lip balm, Rose cologne…_ "Those are mine," Maximilien replied from outside.

The resort's washrooms were surprisingly modern. "How do I flush this?" D'Eon stared at the many buttons on the control panel next to the toilet bowl. He tried one. "Yikes!" Cold water jetted at his bare buttocks. He tried another button. This time, it was a jet of warm air. The next button sent a spray of lavender-scented freshener into the air. The next one triggered a musical jingle.

"The green button, D'Eon. That's the flush," Maximilien calmly instructed after listening to his stepbrother's struggles with the hi-tech toilet. "Done?"

D'Eon nodded as he unlocked the door. Maximilien walked in and grabbed his hand cream. "You should try this hair conditioner… it will help your split ends…" He casually took a handful of D'Eon's hair and held it up. "Split-ends?" D'Eon grabbed the end of his ponytail from Maximilien and studied the strands. He did have split ends. "You should take care of your hair, before you lose it all like your father, so Lia told me," Maximilien remarked.

He placed both hands on D'Eon's shoulders and steered him before the mirror and sat him down. He purposely undid D'Eon's hair tie and fluffed the blond tresses out over his shoulders on the pretext of combing in the hair conditioner. _Yes, the resemblance to Lia was uncanny…_ Durand grinned. The next step would be talking D'Eon into wearing Lia's clothes and make-up.

"Hey, we drew straws and you got the middle futon," Durand patted the pillow in the middle. The room was small enough so the three of them occupied most of the floor space. D'Eon swallowed hard. He would be spending the night between Durand and Max. If it were only Durand, they could occupy the far ends of the room with a reasonable space between them. He did not catch the wink the pair exchanged as they settled in for the night.

**Author's Notes: **

Teillagory x Elizaveta? Maybe…

Durand and Max ganging up to get D'Eon to dress up as Lia.

Takani-sensei - Takani Megumi from Rurouni Kenshin

Himura Kenshin and Tomoe - both from Rurouni Kenshin, here they are the cook and waitress.


	6. Undercover Assignment

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

**6. Undercover Assignment**

Robin glanced at the clock. It was late. He had expected his grandfather to be back by now, but there was no sign of the old man. Just as well, he hiccupped and tossed the empty Baricadi chaser bottle onto the floor. He had tried to unpack for a bit before losing interest. He settled for leaving their clothes strewn over the furniture. Bored, he cracked open another bottle, this one a Jim Bean. He picked up his video cam and started reviewing the footage he had caught during dinner.

He chuckled at the antics of Pompadour and D'Eon's little misadventure with the sashimi. Then something caught his eye. He slipped on his room slippers with a giggle.

The rapping on the door woke D'Eon from his slumber. He blinked his eyes in confusion as he adjusted to his surroundings. "Lia…" Maximilien was having some dream about his sister. He pressed against D'Eon's back and ass. D'Eon rolled away from him. "Lia…" Durand slid his arm over D'Eon's waist as he dreamed. D'Eon got up as the rapping grew more insistent. D'Eon answered the door.

"Robin?" The redhead boy was wearing little-boy striped PJ and the resort's slippers. He was holding his video-cam awkwardly by the strap. "Gramps is not back yet and it's two o'clock," the boy giggled.

"Have you been drinking, Robin?" The telltale flush on his cheeks suggested the boy had been sampling the contents of the room's mini-bar. D'Eon spotted the bottle of gin in the pocket of Robin's PJs. Robin stumbled straight into D'Eon, knocking him momentarily off-balance.

"Robin!" D'Eon yelped as Robin landed on top of him. The commotion did not go unnoticed by his roommates. Durand yawned and stretched. Maximilien sat up from his futon and blinked. "What the heck?"

"Someone has been a naughty boy…" Robin murmured in his drunken state. He buried his face in D'Eon's shirt-front. "Guys, some help here please…" D'Eon pleaded. Durand flicked the lights on and shut the door. Max grabbed the camera. To D'Eon's horror, the blond took a few snapshots. "Max!" Maxmilien showed the pictures on the viewfinder screen of his camera to D'Eon.

"Aw, that's so sweet…" Durand chuckled as he dragged Robin off D'Eon. "What do we do with him now?"

"Shower, cold shower," Max said calmly. Durand nodded and hoisted Robin over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. He carried the boy over to the bathroom.

"Help! Robin's been kidnapped! Our room's been ransacked!" a frantic Teillagory shouted and pounded on the door. Inside the shower stall, Robin howled in indignation as Durand hosed him with cold water.

"Have you got Robin in there?" old Teillagory's hearing was still sharp enough to hear his grandson's shouts. "Open up before I…" D'Eon unlocked the door just as Teillagory was getting ready to break it down with his shoulder. The old man barrelled into D'Eon. For the second time in twenty minutes, D'Eon found himself pinned under a weight. Max calmly took a few more photos. It was not every night Teillagory went about in his shorts and offered everyone a view of his army-days tattoos.

"What happened to your clothes, Teillagory?" Durand asked as he deposited a towel-wrapped and now sober Robin on the bathroom mat. "That Russian woman is good at strip'em poker," Teillagory confessed. Durand picked up the discarded video-cam.

"D'Eon dumped crab sauce on Mademoiselle Lia's pork chop!" Robin blurted out. D'Eon cringed as Robin pointed at the video-cam in Durand's hands. He recalled the lad had been video-taping the show and dinner. "D'EON DE BEAUMONT!" three voices bellowed as Max, Durand and Teillagory viewed the incriminating evidence Robin captured.

D'Eon quivered under the glares of the other three men in the room. This was Lia's big break, a chance for them to break out of the increasing tabloid-ish flavour of Vee-TV for more serious fare.

"Please don't tell Lia… She'll kill me for sure!" D'Eon cowered. He knew how much her assignments meant to Lia.

"Unless Lia recovers, our travel special is toast," Max observed. "Unless you take her place for the shoot…"

"How could I do that?" D'Eon asked. He was not Lia, neither was he an actor or TV host. Durand and Max exchanged smiles. "Thought you will never ask…"

* * *

Next morning found the team gathered outside Lia's room so that Max could present their latest scheme to her. She answered the door wearing the Japanese mask over her face. She still had rashes on her arms which she kept scratching.

"Well, Lia. Since D'Eon has kindly agreed to stand in for you and Durand will do the dubbing later…"

"_Merci_, D'Eon. I owe you one," Lia replied. She had spent the night up fretting over their assignment. They could get Robin to do part of it, but he was definitely under-aged for the Sexy Sukino Expose. "Max, please take care of D'Eon for me."

"Oui," Max grinned. It was a lot easier than he had expected to get Lia's consent. Lia disappeared into the room and returned to the door with a checker shirt, blue overalls and a straw sunhat.

"Ah, Lia-san. Good morning. Good to see you have recovered," Umeko smiled as D'Eon walked past the front desk on his way to the van. Teillagory was loading the last of their camera equipment into the van. "I feel like a fool…" D'Eon complained. "Don't muss up the makeup now," Durand reminded him with a grin. Sara had kindly volunteered to assist them with D'Eon's make-up and hair.

Sakamoto was trying hard not to laugh at the sight. At least D'Eon was wearing overalls and boots. Sara had painted D'Eon's lips with a pink lipstick and dusted a bit of rouge on his cheeks. "He looks too pale otherwise…" she explained. D'Eon opted to wear his hair freely down his back.

"First stop. Lake Toya's Ainu village, followed by a hike up Mt Usu, an active volcano. Quite scenic spots," Maximilien flipped through the schedule. "A-active volcano?" D'Eon gasped. Max nodded. "Don't you know? The entire area is a volcanic hotspot."

"Isn't it dangerous?" Robin asked as he wriggled between two large bags of equipment. Teillagory was drowsing in the backseat after his late night poker session.

"Relax, I wouldn't let any of you get too near the geysers," Sakamoto reassured them. "One burst of that steam and you'll be well done like a BBQ chicken."

"We will need some shots with him up close with those…" Max scribbled on his notepad. D'Eon looked doubtfully at his roast chicken pita. He didn't feel so hungry all of a sudden.

"Gramps said we will be doing a shot with actual bears…" Robin said.

"Ah, our Hokkaido brown bears, fiercest critters on the islands of Japan," Sakamoto grinned. "Wanna get a hug from one of those monsters? Could take a man's head off with a paw." D'Eon paled. "Durand, Max, I am not getting hugged by a hulking bear!" Everyone laughed.

"Well, Lia was scheduled to do a shoot with a bear, a little bitty one…" Max explained.

* * *

_Back in the resort…_

"Honey, please… give me another chance!" Louis begged on bent knee before his wife. He had just received the divorce papers from her. "Should I give him one?" Marie looked at Lia, who was reading the newspaper. Lia looked up from the paper and through the eyeholes of her mask. She shook her head slightly. Elizaveta and Ekaterina both indicated their agreement with Lia by shaking their heads more openly.

"Maman…" Auguste came up to his mother. "Please give Papa a chance…" the little boy pleaded. "Come along now, Auguste. We're going to see the cows…" Anna apologetically took Auguste's hand in hers and steered him in the direction of the exit. It was not good for a little boy to witness a squabble between his parents.

"Louis!" Pompadour emerged from the breakfast room. "You promised to leave her for me!" she cried out. The resort owner paused in her bookkeeping and rolled her eyes. _Talk about shameless hussy._

"You're old, fat and past your prime! Louis deserves better!" Pompadour said. "Excuse moi?" Marie's normally calm façade threatened to crumble in rage. Umeko recognized the first signs of an impeding catfight in the making. Louis made a hasty escape in the deadly silence that followed.

"Ladies, allow us to introduce you to our dojo," Umeko grabbed her inflated naginata and climbed over the counter. The dojo was a place for their workers to work off any excess steam but she could open it to a few select guests. It would be a good chance for the ladies to relieve some stress.

"There will be sparring with inflatable naginatas, kendo with bokken…" Umeko handed her inflatable naginata to Lia. "Excuse me, do you have fencing foils?" Lia asked politely.

"Sumimasen… we do not normally get fencers here. I could get Nami to lead everyone in a naginata workout," Umeko said. She signalled to her assistant. Even Elizaveta and Ekaterina looked interested.

**Author's Notes:**

Lake Toya – really beautiful volcanic crater lake in Hokkaido.

Mt Usu- volcano

Naginata – spear-like Japanese weapon normally used by samurai women. Katsura Umeko's weapon of choice in my earlier period fics. Here, she is using the inflatable modern version used by modern Japanese in workouts.

Workout in the dojo for the ladies? I smell catfight.


	7. Beastly Things

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

Cameo from Getbackers.

**7. Beastly Things**

The women had changed into the dojo's gis for ease of movement during their workout. Lia would be sitting on the sidelines as she was still busy slathering lotion over her rashes. Ekaterina and Elizaveta had elected to join Umeko in some mild exercises with the naginata. However, Pompadour and Marie had no intention of enjoying a simple workout.

"Marie, the more air you fill your weapon, the harder it will be…" Lia hinted as she assisted Marie in inflating her naginata. Umeko had swapped her inflatable for an actual weapon. It was the traditional Japanese samurai woman's weapon of choice and Katsura Umeko was proud of her heritage. Also, the blade on the weapon could put a stop to any brawls that might break out.

"Block, thrust, block, stab…" Umeko instructed as she led the workout.

Marie hefted her weapon in her hands before bringing it down in a deadly arc. Satisfied, she took a position right behind Pompadour. This did have some promise of sweet revenge.

"So is this like an aerobics workout?" Pompadour regarded the item in her hands doubtfully. Marie's position behind her did not escape her notice. "Thrust…" Pompadour stabbed behind her with her naginata. Marie dodged the thrust and brought her naginata down in an arc onto Pompadour's head, stunning her. "That move is called _Whack-the-Hussy_," Umeko grinned.

The younger woman soon recovered and lashed out with her weapon, catching Marie on the hip. Marie dropped to her knee. "Watch out, Marie!" Lia shouted a warning as Pompadour bore down with her weapon. Surprisingly, it was Ekaterina who came to the rescue. She nonchalantly rapped Pompadour across the back with the butt end of her naginata without missing a beat of her workout.

"Apologies," she called over her shoulder. Marie took full use of Pompadour's distraction to lash out with her naginata, hooking her rival's calf and unceremoniously dumping her on her rump on the polished wooden floor with a crash.

* * *

"Lake Toya…" D'Eon read from the cue boards Robin flashed from behind the camera. "Is a scenic volcanic crater lake." Robin rolled his eyes. D'Eon sounded like some droning teacher. "Smile a little more," Maximilien hinted. Their local guides were watching the shoot from a distance. Sarah was chewing on a riceball while Sakamoto enjoyed some traditional music on his battered walkman. Also with them was their Ainu guide, Fuyuki Shido who had just arrived from the Ainu village on his scooter.

"Is that woman Lia de Beaumont the sexy French anchorwoman?" he sat down beside the pair. "She doesn't look very sexy to me in those overalls…"

"Hey, I thought you were going to meet us at the village with the bear cub," Sarah squeezed more mayo onto her snack. "Problem, the bear cub got sick last night. I just packed the baby off to the vet," Shido took an apple from his jeans and bit into it. "I got another likely bear, about this tall…" he held his hand at the height of his chest. "On all fours…" he added in a deadpan tone. Sakamoto paled. Sarah dropped her riceball. She waved at Durand and Maximilien. "Messieurs, we have a problem," she beckoned them over. "With the bear…" Both men walked over.

"Step backwards a bit, D'Eon!" Teillagory shouted. "Let's get that island in the frame as well." D'Eon obliged by stepping backwards on the bank and promptly slipped off the slippery grass. He landed in the lake with a resounding splash. The lake bottom dropped off steeply here.

"D'Eon, not that much!" the old man admonished as the camera continued to roll. "Say, shouldn't we save him?" Robin asked. "No fear, the boy holds the record for the 500m butterfly…" He stopped his camera and proceeded to change the reel. D'Eon's splashing grew weaker.

"Er, I don't know butterfly stroke from frog-style," Robin said. "But D'Eon is doing a good impression of a dead man's float, _face-down_."

"Or maybe it was his sister…" Teillagory looked up from his camera with worry. D'Eon had ceased splashing and was floating face-down as Robin had described.

Alarmed, both Durand and Maximilien were running to the lakeside. Durand reached there first and leapt in. He hauled D'Eon out and proceeded to pummel his chest. "Some help here please, Max," Durand said. "CRP." The blond bent over his stepbrother, cleared his mouth but hesitated a few inches over his face. His eyes met Durand's.

"Pretend you are doing CPR on Lia…" Durand suggested. Max bent down and locked lips with D'Eon. The blond man spluttered and sat up, coughing. "Are you alright?" Max asked.

"Max, was that your tongue in my mouth?" D'Eon choked and retched. Durand raised an eyebrow at Maximilien, who kept his deadpan expression. D'Eon retched and coughed up a small fish. "Ah, a cherry salmon. Nice fishing!" Sakamoto joked. As the poor fish jumped about on the grass, Shido strolled over, picked it up and held it up to a ruler which he had in his vest.

"Three inches. Too small, you will have to let it go," Shido shrugged and released it into the lake. "Now, shall we proceed to the village?"

* * *

"Well, the traditional Ainu get-up is novel," Durand admitted as D'Eon emerged from the changing room. Shido had managed to procure a spare set of clothes for the anchorwoman. Unfortunately, it was the traditional dress of an Ainu woman. Durand wore the jumpsuit of one of the village's janitors. Shido and his fellow villagers had gone to rustle the bear. Haruki, an Ainu girl, helped 'Lia de Beaumont' adjust her headband. Like D'Eon, she was dressed in the outfit of an Ainu maiden.

Max pondered the effect before waving to Sarah. "Make-up." Sarah took over with her makeup kit.

They then adjourned to the main lodge for 'Lia' to do her bit on introducing Ainu culture with the help of Haruki. The lodge they were in had dried salmon hanging from the rafters over a central fireplace. "Wow, that is a lot of smoked fish," Robin observed. He coughed from the smoke. "Don't get too close, Robin, or you'll be smoked as well." Teillagory warned as he lit a cigarette. Durand grinned. Teillagory was doing a bang-up job smoking his own lungs with any aid from the Ainu fireplace.

"Durand, you in there still? We got a laundry on-site. We have both your clothes in the washer. They should be dry enough to collect in two hours or so…" Sakamoto explained as he stepped into the hut. "Saw the boys bringing the bear over…"

"Ready for the shoot?" Durand asked as he stuck his head out the door. The colour fled from his face when he saw the beast Shido had on a leash. Two more villagers hovered nearby. One had a heavy staff in his hand.

"Max, about the bear…" Durand grabbed Robin by the collar to stop him from stepping outside. The boy would be a mere mouthful for that furry beast. An oblivious D'Eon stepped out of the lodge and almost fainted when he saw the size of the bear. "I am NOT going to do a shoot with that!" he declared.

"Shido says he is the most docile bear they got here," Sarah reassured D'Eon with a mischievous wink. She remained safely inside the wooden lodge. Max cautiously inched along the lodge wall with Robin's camera in hand. He would be the cameraman for this part. "Go stand beside the bear, _Lia_…" D'Eon cautiously approached the bear. "Closer, please…"

D'Eon tried hard not to flee when the bear turned his direction and snorted in disdain. Haruki showed no such fear. The lithe Ainu girl walked over and ruffled the top of the bear's large head. She tossed an apple into the air which the bear snapped his jaws around, spraying D'Eon with apple juice. "Good boy," she laughed and hugged the bear once before stepping out of the camera frame.

"Go on, read the script!" Max reminded D'Eon. "The Hokkaido brown bear is the largest land carnivore on the Japanese islands…" His voice wavered as the bear sniffed at his elbow. He could smell the fish on the creature's breath.

"Poor D'Eon," Durand grinned at the blond man's discomfort. He did not notice the raccoon dog that had emerged from a large wicker basket behind him. The raccoon dog sniffed the air thoughtfully and climbed out of hiding. It tottered over to Durand's back unnoticed and leapt up.

"AAAIIIEEE!" Durand yelped in agony as sharp teeth sank into his backside. Startled by the commotion, the bear growled and knocked D'Eon over with a large paw before his minder could react.

"Down! Heel, boy!" Shido yanked on the leash and dug his heels into the earth. The bear huffed nervously and stood up on its hind legs. It was more than two metres tall. Shido shouted out calming words to the bear even as the creature considered the Frenchman lying on the ground.

"D'EON!" Max dropped the camera in alarm and ran to his stepbrother's aid. He seized D'Eon by the arm and yanked him away to safety even as the Ainu tried to calm the distressed bear down. The bear's claws had shredded the sleeve of D'Eon's outfit. Thankfully, no blood had been drawn.

"_Max, darling. I have only one kid brother and I am entrusting him to your care…"_ Lia had said to him that morning before they left the resort. _"If anything untoward should happen to him…" _

If Lia knew how close D'Eon came to being scalped by a bear, Maximilien shuddered. The bear finally calmed down and allowed Shido to lead him over to a cage.

"Get it off!" Durand was still spinning about trying to shake off the raccoon dog on his rear. The critter had a bite as strong as a bear-trap and would not be easily dislodged.

"Natsuki, call your raccoon dog off!" Shido ordered. A young Ainu with dyed blond hair apologised profusely as he ran up to the group. He whistled shrilly and the raccoon dog released its grip on the Frenchman. Natsuki seized the critter by the scruff of the neck and stuffed it into a sack. He secured the neck of the sack before joining his companions. There was a quiet discussion among Natsuki, Haruki and Shido. Shido called out to Sarah, who joined them.

She returned to the Frenchmen with some bad news. "Problem, they suspect that raccoon dog may be rabid and suggest we get you to their clinic for a shot. You will need monthly jabs for rabies for half a year."

"Jabs? Can we skip that?" Durand moaned.

"Well, _mon ami_, if you do catch rabies, you will die raving and foaming at the mouth like a mad dog," Maximilien said calmly. "Alright! I'll take those damned shots!" Durand limped off escorted by Haruki and Sakamoto. "Haruki's the resident nurse. She says she will be delighted to stitch up your wounds, after she had washed them out with disinfectant and given you that jab. It wouldn't hurt a bit."

**Author's Notes:**

Fuyuki Shido – Getbacker's beast-master. He has the power to control animals. He is described as an aboriginal. Here, he is an Ainu villager.

Haruki and Natsuki – Shido's fellow aboriginals. (Getbackers manga series)


	8. Some Like it Hot

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

More agony for the crew.

**8. Some Like it Hot**

Durand's POV

_Some guys have a fetish for nurses. Not me, especially if… OW! She was washing disinfectant into my wounds and sticking a honking big needle into my ass-cheek. Terrific. First I get whacked by D'Eon in the bath after I mistook him for Lia. She never really let me explain THAT incident with the cheerleading team. I suppose now she's going steady with my best pal Max… Still, it is kinda kinky dating your own stepsister. OW! I was hoping to get a chance to at least work with Lia for this gig. Ow! Instead, we have D'Eon in drag. Then that crazy furry monster decided to use my backside as a chew toy. OW! You know what the huge joke is? That fur-ball was vaccinated against rabies. Too bad they didn't tell the nurse until after she gave me the first shot… _

Durand winced as the van jolted and bumped along. He could barely sit. They were on their way to the next stop. "How's the rump, Durand? Tender?" Robin teased. "Oh drop it," Durand complained. He adjusted the bear-shaped cushion he was sitting on.

"I will show you guys Mt Usu. I'm a certified mountain guide," Sakamoto tapped on a rusty-looking badge on his leather jacket. D'Eon looked dubiously at the object. It looked like an old bottle cap.

The volcano, Mt Usu, overlooked Lake Toya, a valley with a geyser and a smaller but smoking cone known as Showa Shinsan or Showa New Mountain. The small volcano had literally popped up overnight during the reign of Emperor Showa. "Just like a pimple," Robin remarked to everyone's amusement. They did a few shots of D'Eon at the lookout points overlooking the valley, with the smoking cone in the backdrop and Lake Toya.

Then it was time to get up close and personal with the geyser.

* * *

"We got special permission to do this," Sakamoto said as he clambered over o gate that read 'DANGER, KEEP OUT' in Japanese. If it had been in French, Durand and the rest of the team would probably have second thoughts on following their guides. Sarah vaulted over the gate. She had exchanged her hiking shoes for some heavy-duty heat-resistant boots.

"Er, is it just me or are my boots melting?" Robin hopped about. There was a distinct stench of melting rubber soles. Everyone inspected their shoes.

"It's getting way too hot," D'Eon remarked. He was sweating from the heat. "Quick, stand by that smoking hole," Teillagory instructed. "Oh dear, the make-up is running…" Sara hurried to touch up D'Eon's make-up.

"One, two, three… Action!" Max called out.

"I am standing by a geyser," D'Eon started. He kept hopping from foot to foot as the ground was smoking hot and burning him through the soles of his boots. "CUT! Can't you stand still for a minute?" Max shouted.

"It's too hot… Yikes!" D'Eon leapt clear as the geyser let rip a cloud of superheated steam. "Thar she blows!" Sakamoto chortled.

"I was almost cooked alive! I am not doing this!" D'Eon complained. "You have to! It's in the itinerary!" Max replied. "Lia wouldn't do this if she knew you are plonking her next to a volcano," D'Eon growled. There was no way Lia could have agreed to such a harebrained shoot with a high risk of painful death. He stormed off in a huff. "He even does the hissy fit like Lia does when you tick her off, Max," Durand laughed.

"Uh-oh, we have company," Robin warned. "It looks like a bear!" A very annoyed park ranger came running along. "This is a restricted zone!" he shouted. "Out, now!" Park ranger Akiki growled. It was no wonder Robin had mistaken him for a bear. The ranger of Ainu descent was dark-skinned and stood at six feet two. And he was as mad as a bear hauled out of his den in the middle of winter. The TV crew quailed when the ranger caught up. He looked very, very angry.

"Sakamoto, I thought we got permission to do this!" Teillagory called out to their erstwhile guide. "Oops, I must have forgotten to submit that special request form," Sakamoto scratched his head. Grumbling, the French TV crew packed up their gear…

"Where's D'Eon?" Durand asked as he limped over to Max. "I thought he went off in that direction…" he pointed in the direction of some really, really dark woods. There came from the shadows a bloodcurdling scream. Everyone dropped whatever they were doing. _Was it a bear?_

"D'EON!" The young man came running from the trees. He was not alone. In hot pursuit were a swarm of angry giant Japanese hornets. And they were heading for the TV crew, their guides and the park ranger.

"Everyone run!" Sara pointed in the direction of the lake. Everyone took off, discarding camera equipment and other cumbersome items. Sarah hit the waters of the lake first. Then the park ranger and Teillagory dived in. Max, Robin and Durand tied for third. "Come on!" Sakamoto seized D'Eon by the collar and chucked him into the deep waters of the lake before leaping in himself. Cheated of their prey, the hornets buzzed angrily above the water surface before returning into the dark forest.

Everyone surfaced, except for…

"Er, I forgot something, right?" Sakamoto said sheepishly. Slowly, D'Eon floated up to the surface in a dead man's float. Teillagory paddled over and turned D'Eon over so that he could get some air.

"D'Eon, relax so that I can get you to shore," the old man advised. D'Eon started to flail about as he came to, threatening to drag his would-be rescuer down as well. "Stop that!" Teillagory shouted. This was not good. D'Eon latched onto his rescuer. "Quit that!" Teillagory shouted. Maximilien swam over to assist Teillagory. He bopped D'Eon in the jaw, knocking him unconscious. "Merci," Teillagory looped an arm across D'Eon's chest and towed the limp body towards the shore.

D'Eon came to on reaching the shore. He suddenly leapt up and started hopping about. "Guess you don't have to kiss him this round," Durand teased Max.

Max did not deign to justify Durand's jibe with any words. "That tickles!" D'Eon squealed. He reached down the back of his overalls. "Get it out! Ooh!"

"Why is he doing the chicken dance?" Robin asked as D'Eon hopped about and flapped his arms. Finally a good-sized trout flopped out of his pant leg. Sakamoto gave a whoop and picked up the fish. "Hey, parkie, may we keep this one?" Akiki glared at the dreadlocked man and took out his ticket book.

"Trout-fishing out of season, fine 10,000 yen. Illegal and wilful trespass in a restricted zone, fine 50,000 yen. Littering," he pointed at the discarded camera equipment. "Fine 5,000 yen," the park ranger stuffed the wad of tickets into Sakamoto's jacket. "Oh, is that van by the lookout point yours?" he asked.

"Yes, what's it to you?" Sakamoto tossed the trout into the water in disgust. "Illegal parking, fine 5,000 yen. Please pay the fine when you collect your vehicle at the compound lot at Ranger Station A," Akiki stuffed another ticket into the driver's jacket. "Have a nice day…" Akiki wrung out his wet ranger's cap, popped it onto his head and strolled off.

The Frenchmen strolled back to the lookout point blissfully unaware of the fact that their transportation had been impounded. "Where's our van?" Teillagory asked as he and his grandson staggered under the weight of their equipment. "Has it been stolen?" He thought Japan was known for its law-abiding citizenry.

"Nope, impounded at Ranger Station A… that's about six kilometres away. Start walking, folks…" Sakamoto shrugged. "Anyone got cash? I am a bit short on the yen."

* * *

"How's your day, D'Eon?" Anna asked when they met at dinner. D'Eon smiled. Finally there was a ray of sunshine in his otherwise rotten day.

"Gracious, what happened to your face? Does it hurt much?" D'Eon winced as Anna touched that sore spot on his chin where Max had hit him. Unfortunately for him, Sara had said that she could cover up that bruise easily with a make-up brush. He did not have any excuse for wriggling out of standing in for Lia tomorrow.

"Thanks to our guide not filing the proper papers, we have to skip the close-up of the geyser," Durand complained as he settled his sore backside down on a large soft cushion. His legs were aching from the forced march. "I heard you got bit by a raccoon dog and attended to by some pretty nurse," Lia smiled. She was wearing a Madi Gras mask so that she could join Max for dinner. She still sported rashes.

"Sorry we let D'Eon fall in the lake…" Max apologised. "It's alright. He really should learn to swim," Lia popped a slice of watermelon into her mouth. "If you guys need a massage, the resort has trained masseurs…" Teillagory had gone for a massage to ease his aching joints after returning to the resort.

"Marie, honey-bunny. I promise not to cheat on you ever again…" Louis begged as he tried to talk his wife out of divorce. "It is against your religion, isn't it?" Marie was a staunch Roman Catholic.

"I can consider it as an annulment and don't honey me. The Church never had any problems with that historically…" Marie nonchalantly rubbed a sore spot on her arm where Pompadour had managed to hit her. Auguste happily played with the resort's kittens as his mother resumed browsing through the divorce papers Ekaterina had drawn up.

**Author's Notes:**

Akiki- The 4th member of the Four Woods from Getbackers. Haruki, Natsuki and Fuyuki are the others.

Wonder if they did get any useable footage with all the disasters and D'Eon throwing a hissy fit. Almost getting broiled alive, who could blame him?


	9. Hell's Valley

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

Everyone is going to Hell here… Ghost story time!

**9. Hell's Valley**

"D'Eon-san, you look like a panda," Sakamoto exclaimed. "I warned him so," Robin grinned impishly. D'Eon stifled a yawn. To avoid any awkwardness with Durand and Maximilien and their propensity for having wet dreams about his sister, he had decided to spend the night with Robin and Teillagory. He regretted not taking Robin's advice on the earplugs. Soundly asleep, Teillagory's snores were a cross between a foghorn and a chainsaw and as loud as a jet engine. He thought the ceiling would fall in on them from the racket.

"Remember to pack your overnight bags, Frenchies," Sakamoto reminded. "We are going to spend the night in Hell's Valley…" he added ominously as he started the engine. "I put brochures in the back for your information. We designed and translated them ourselves." Teillagory picked up one. "Welcome to Hell?" he read in disbelief. The Frenchmen were in for even more of a surprise when Sara got on the van. She was wearing a floral kimono and she had changed her hair colour to midnight black. To complete the Goth look, she had powdered her face almost ghostly white and painted her lips blood-red.

"Nice touch, Sara. A tour of Hell Valley led by Hell Girl Enma Ai. Maybe we can do a boat ride down a sulphurous river," Sakamoto joked. "Nice get-up. Maybe we could get that on 'Lia-san' here," Robin grinned cheekily. D'Eon yawned. He was too sleepy to protest. Max watched as his stepbrother nodded off. "Wait a mo," he got off the van and made for the resort. Ten minutes later, he returned with a carpet bag.

"What's in there?" Durand asked. Maximilien smiled and unzipped the bag to reveal a glimpse of a kimono, geisha wig and clogs. "Lia was planning on using this costume for the shoot. It'll be pity to let her effort go to waste, right?" Maximilien looked over at where D'Eon was nodding as he slumbered. "I take that as a yes."

* * *

"How's the butt, Durand?" Robin teased. Durand was fluffing up his seat cushion for the umpteenth time. "Could be better," Durand replied. It was a long, painful ride. "Look, Tare Panda," Sara grinned impishly. She had traced two large panda eyes with mascara on D'Eon's face as he sprawled on his tummy across the back seat. "Let me, let me," Robin squealed childishly. He took the eyeliner from Sara and started drawing on D'Eon's face.

"Phew, can you guys smell that?" Durand gasped and waved his hand before his nose. He looked at Teillagory. "Well, it wasn't me!" the old cameraman protested.

The van turned at a sign that read 'Hell Valley' and they saw a large statue of a red ogre by the roadside waving a wicked-looking club. The sulphurous odour became more pronounced. Teillagory nudged their lead awake. "Time to rise and shine, boy."

"Argh! I am not wearing that!" D'Eon protested as he wiped his face clean.

"But Lia said she wanted to wear this on TV…" Max coaxed.

"I am not my sister!" _A kimono! The nerve of Max to even suggest he wears that! _

"I'll call Lia and ask her… she'll be so disappointed…" Max reached for his cell phone. Maybe Lia could convince D'Eon.

"OK! I get it. Pass me the damned kimono. But I draw the line at the geisha wig and makeup!"

Five minutes later, Maximilien emerged from the men's room with a kimono-garbed D'Eon. "The obi's crooked…" Sara went up to adjust the bow. "Ah, so Lia-san is an unmarried woman who wants to get married soon. The long sleeves and the simple obi…" she teased. Maximilien's cheeks turned pink.

"Let's get the show on the road," Teillagory coughed. Sulphurous clouds wafted up from cracks in the earth. "How do the Japanese walk on these?" D'Eon tottered precariously on his high clogs. "Dainty steps…" Sara suggested with a grin. D'Eon wore his hair free down his back and mimicked his sister.

The filming went off without further hitches once the camera started rolling. They paused for a packed bento lunch before continuing with the work. D'Eon carefully step-sided any ominously warm spots and large cracks as he introduced the sulphurous springs of Hell Valley.

Then it was time for them to go to their accommodations for the night…

* * *

"Eh? I think you made a wrong turn…" Robin peered out of the van. The van had stopped in front of a derelict building. Behind the building was an overgrown cemetery. "Nope, we're bunking here tonight," Sakamoto pulled up the hand brake and killed the engine. A long-haired girl stepped out of the house. "Welcome to Purgatory Inn," she smiled sweetly. "I am Enma Ai, your hostess…" she bowed politely. A smartly-dressed woman and a young man came out to help Sakamoto with the luggage.

"Is this house haunted?" D'Eon shivered. He had changed back to his usual clothes after the shoot. There was a definite chill in the building. "Of course, there is a cemetery in the back," Sara joked. "Hey, I got us a watermelon. I'll pop it down the well to cool," Sakamoto grinned broadly. He winked at Sara. Their driver had something up his sleeve.

* * *

"Aw, come on… it will be fun. It's a Japanese tradition to tell spooky tales on summer nights," Sakamoto urged as everyone finished dinner. The sun had set. Fireflies danced between the pale gravestones. "Before we start, shouldn't we fetch that watermelon from the well? Any volunteers?" he held up a lantern. Enma Ai and her crew had retreated to the kitchen after clearing up the dinner utensils. He looked out into the backyard where the well stood. "I'll get it," Max calmly stepped up and took the lantern from Sakamoto.

To his dismay, there were no screams of terror when Max hauled up what he had left down the well. The blond returned with the glow-in-the-dark skull and placed it on the floor before everyone. "Someone took our watermelon and left this…" he smiled at Sakamoto. Max had once spent two days camping in the Parisian catacombs with only mouldy bones for company during his PI days. A glowing human skull grinning at him from a well did not frazzle him. Ai entered the room with the sliced watermelon and placed it before the guests. Silently, she stepped out of the room.

"I'll start!" Sara extinguished the lights so that only the candles she had lit at the four corners of the room remained. "Let me start with a tale of honour, bloody betrayal and revenge… the legend of the headless samurai…"

"This is like a campfire," Robin grinned. Everyone sat down or kneeled in a circle. "A long time ago, there was a samurai…" Sara started. When she was done with her tale, almost everyone had turned a shade paler. "My turn," Durand said. "My tale is about an imprisoned prince who still haunts the site of his death to this day…" Teillagory followed with a tale of French soldiers in the war and a mysterious nurse who heralded death. Sakamoto rattled off a traditional Japanese horror story of betrayed love and revenge of a wronged wife from beyond the grave. Max told one about a headless horseman.

Robin told a bloodcurdling tale of a werewolf that terrorized the French countryside. D'Eon had gone deathly pale. "Last one for the night, D'Eon," Robin nudged him. "Well, there was an old mansion in Paris where a witch was rumoured to live a hundred years ago. The last duchess was said to be witch and she disappeared one day without a trace. One night, a group of teens decided to explore the abandoned mansion… While they were walking through the house, they heard a scratching sound coming from behind a dusty portrait of the duchess…" D'Eon froze.

There was a distinct scratching sound coming from the wall of the room. He shivered but continued. "They tried to ignore it but it got louder…" The scratching noise became more insistent. "There was a weak wailing like a cat… Argh!" D'Eon almost leapt out of his skin when everyone heard a yowling sound.

"Come on, continue…" Robin urged eagerly. D'Eon nodded as he glanced at the wall where the yowling and scratching was coming from. "They decided to take down the portrait…" Maximilien got to his feet and walked over to the wall, which turned out to be a sliding door. "No!" D'Eon shouted.

Too late, Max yanked the door open and a black cat swaggered in. "It's only a cat. Were you expecting the duchess, D'Eon?" Everyone chuckled. D'Eon went red. Max had heard the same ghost story from Lia at a college drinking party. The black cat rubbed itself against Max's legs.

"Time for beddy-byes," Sakamoto grinned as he handed out the keys. "D'Eon, you are bunking with your bro and Durand-san."

**Author's Notes:**

Tare Panda – Lazy Panda, a popular character from San-X. I have a few plush Pandas from their International series.

Enma Ai and her demonic crew from Hell Girl are here. Hopefully, no one is really going to hell here. Maybe D'Eon might want to consider sending Max to hell if he makes him wear a dress again. Then he will have to go to hell when he dies as part of the contract.

Anyone seriously interested in hearing the other tales of horror?

Lia is sending a subtle hint to Maxxy with that kimono. Single girls wear long sleeves and elaborate bows on their kimono. But married women wear short sleeves and simple bows.


	10. Cherries and Sushi

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

**10. Cherries and Sushi**

"That was some night, wasn't it?" Durand grinned and stretched. Max nodded. D'Eon scowled. Everyone had a good night's sleep, except him. He was too busy jumping at every shadow and creak thanks to the horror stories he heard before bedtime. Thank goodness they were not due for any shoot today and the damned kimono was safely in the carpet bag on his lap. They piled into the van after a hearty breakfast and thundered off for the resort.

"Next stop is to pick up Lia and swing by the famous flower fields of Furano tomorrow. Then we will have to drop by Otaru before doing the Sapporo Sukino…" Max flipped through his schedule. "Excuse moi." Max's phone was ringing. He answered it. "Bon jour… Lia?"

D'Eon noticed his stepbrother just went pale. "Er, your kimono? We borrowed it for the shoot…"

"_Did you bully D'Eon into wearing it?"_ she accused. "Well, he agreed… Thought it would be a neat idea for Hell Valley…. No, serious, he agreed…." The normally unflappable Max was sweating rivers now.

"_Pass the phone to D'Eon, Max, please…"_ Lia was in no mood for arguments going by her tone. He passed the phone to D'Eon. "I did it for you, sis… Hope it will help your career… Don't worry. It is in perfect condition…" D'Eon unzipped the bag, just as the van went over a pothole. "Oops!" Durand stumbled. The can of coffee in his hand spilled over the kimono.

"NO!" D'Eon howled in dismay. "_What was that racket_?" Lia asked. "Nothing…" D'Eon lied. Durand tried to sop up the mess using his bandanna, only to realize that his bandanna was not colour-fast. The garish dyes seeped into the kimono silk. _They were so dead…_

"Isn't that Lia's expensive silk designer kimono?" Robin asked as he peered over the headrest. "I thought it looked familiar. She had it specially made for the trip, right, Gramps?"

"You lads better think of something to tell her," Teillagory fiddled with his camera lens. He wanted nothing to do with them if Lia flies into a rage.

"_D'Eon? Max? Whatever is going on?"_ Lia's voice echoed from across the phone.

"We need a Laundromat, quick!" Durand called out. Sakamoto stopped at a cherry orchard and everyone got off. There was no Laundromat in such a remote place, but Sara managed to sweet-talk the farm owner to lend them the use of his washing area. D'Eon and Durand worked at rinsing the stain out of the kimono the best they could. Sakamoto made use of this unexpected break to chat with the farmer. Robin decided to explore the orchard.

"Whoa, look at these cherries…" Robin gazed longingly at the luscious red cherries hanging from the branches. "You could pay 500 yen and pick all you want," Sara explained as she grabbed a basket. "Are they sweet?" Robin asked.

"Try them," Sara gleefully plucked a handful and passed them to Robin. Teillagory was busy taking shots of the cherry trees. Maximilien calmly walked about the orchard, enjoying the breeze and the shade.

A few hours later, the group piled into the van with baskets of cherries purchased from the farm. "I hope Lia forgives us for messing up her kimono…" D'Eon was not feeling too confident as he studied the sorry garment in the carpet bag. Lia was fond of cherries. Perhaps a basket of them would gain Lia's forgiveness. They were soon at the resort.

* * *

Back at the resort, Lia was channel-surfing and basically dying of boredom. The itch had eased but the spots would remain. She had no idea how the shoot at Hell Valley went. The reel from the Ainu village and the volcano was surprisingly good but her brother was a bit dry on the topic. She would have to do a voice over afterwards. She had told Max that she wanted to join them for the flower farm. She looked up from her fashion magazine when Sara knocked on her door.

She went over to open the door. Sara was there, but she was not alone. D'Eon, Maximilien and Durand were standing apologetically in the corridor. D'Eon was holding her ruined kimono. Lia screamed and threw the magazine in her hand at Durand and the remote at Maximilien.

"Can you do anything about the spots?" Lia asked. Sara shook her head. "Sorry, not without making you look like a geisha." The Frenchwoman raised her hands in frustration.

* * *

"D'Eon?" Anna stuck her head out of the next room. She had Auguste sitting before the TV watching Sesame Street. She was very concerned about Marie's impending divorce. Auguste's parents had adjourned to a private room in the resort to discuss the terms in the presence of a lawyer. The young boy was still hopeful that his parents would get back together.

"D'Eon, I overhead what Durand said the other night about those condoms…" Anna started. D'Eon went bright pink in the face. _Damn!_ "A-anna… I…" he stuttered.

"I understand, D'Eon… I mean, it is the 21st century… but I would really like to save it for our wedding night…" Anna said shyly. _Wedding night?_ D'Eon's mind reeled. He had not thought about that part of it yet. Was there a possibility that he and Anna would get hitched as soon as she graduates high school? He fidgeted. "Anna, actually, those were Monsieur Teillagory's…"

"Oh!" Anna turned bright red and her hands went to her cheeks. "But I agree with you on waiting…" D'Eon hurriedly added. This was awkward to say the least.

"Waiting for what?" Auguste asked innocently. The little boy had come to the door looking for Anna. "Anna, I'm hungry… can we get some cookies, please?" he asked.

* * *

"Max, we have a problem… you may have talked D'Eon into a kimono, but there is no way we can get him to do the Sexy Sukino Expose," Lia said as Maximilien slathered calamine lotion on her back. The lovebirds had adjourned to their suite where Lia quickly forgave Maximilien. Max nodded. D'Eon would be lighting up like a light bulb before he could even introduce any adult toy shops. He knead Lia's shoulders, eliciting contented sighs from his girlfriend.

"Well, we could put Durand in a full-body bunny suit and get him to show Sukino. He would enjoy getting to know the girls later and no one would know it is him in there…" Max suggested. Lia giggled.

"I got it! I could do that part!" Lia sat up suddenly and leaned back against Max's chest. "I could wear a Mardi Gras mask… and that leather corset… I could use a concealer on any spots…" she kissed him on the lips. "Damn, I was so looking forward to enjoying some private time with you…"

"Isn't this private time?" Max cocked an eyebrow and cuddled Lia in his lap. Her towel had come undone. She reached behind to undo Max's clothes…

"Room service?" Max asked.

"You bet," Lia grinned mischievously as she reached for the room phone. She had some ideas for couple-type fun. She told the chef that she wanted no crab in her food.

Fifteen minutes later, sushi chef Himura Kenshin rapped gently on Lia's room door. "Sushi delivery…" Lia opened the door and Kenshin's eyes bugged out. The lady was wearing a black leather corset-type suit and a Mardi Gras mask. She twirled a leather whip in her hand. Behind her on the coffee table was her nearly-naked boyfriend. Max was buck naked with only a towel across his groin. He was also blindfolded with a scarf. "Arigato," Lia smiled sweetly and took the sushi platter from the gaping chef.

She closed the door. Kenshin rubbed his eyes. _Whoa, those French were even kinkier than he expected. Dominatrix play on top of human cutlery. _He shook his head. His relationship with Tomoe was almost tame compared to their guests.

Inside, Lia happily arranged the sushi and sashimi on Max's chest. This was going to be so much fun. "If you move, I will have to hurt you, Maxxy…" Lia teased and stroked Max's cheek with her whip. She straddled his hips.

"Lia, about the… OH MY GOD!" D'Eon yelped as he averted his eyes. He had gone into Lia's room after finding the door ajar. Lia had forgotten to ensure that her door was properly secured. Max almost leapt out of his skin at the yell. He yanked off the blindfold. Lia froze. She was leaning over Max and preparing to feed him a piece of toro sashimi by mouth.

"D'Eon, my advice to you is to get out and shut the door to save all of us from further embarrassment," Max said calmly. D'Eon nodded vigorously and exited the room.

"Let's get back to what we were doing…" Max grinned and bit the toro sashimi Lia was holding in her mouth…

**Author's Notes:**

Yes. Lia and Max are a couple. At least the guys are in the clear for ruining Lia's kimono.

D'Eon is probably scarred for life after walking in on that.


	11. Season of Flowers

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

Walking in on that scene in the last chapter will leave an impact on a hot-blooded youth like D'Eon.

**11. Season of Flowers**

"D'Eon…" Anna was calling him. D'Eon opened his eyes. "Anna?" His long-time girlfriend was wearing her Catholic schoolgirl uniform. Wait, she was unbuttoning that uniform blouse. D'Eon tried to sit up but his limbs refused to obey him. Anna stripped to her black lace brassiere and matching panties. The redhead smiled as she straddled his hips. D'Eon immediately felt an ache in his loins. He realized he was as naked as a baby bird. His ankles and wrists were tied down. Anna was holding a whip.

"D'Eon darling, if you don't behave, I will have to hurt you…" she purred. She was wearing a leather choker with spikes. D'Eon could feel his heart beating against his ribs in anticipation.

* * *

"Wakey-wakey, D'Eon de Beaumont!" Durand bellowed into D'Eon's ear. The young man leapt out of his blankets. "Don't do that!" D'Eon shouted at his roommate. Durand was chuckling as he shaved. "We need to get an early start today… oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt your nice dream? Your nice, _wet _dream?"

The bulge in D'Eon's pants was too much to ignore. Muttering under his breath, D'Eon retreated to the bathroom to relieve himself. Max had spent the night with Lia. Goodness knew what they were up to in their suite all night.

"You know, you really should ask Anna to help you with that… They say self-relief can cause insanity and blindness," Durand teased. "How come both you and Lia went to the same school and grew up in the same house but Lia is so much more liberal? I remember the time Lia and I went skinny-dipping in…"

"I am not hearing this!" D'Eon clapped his hands over his ears. "Checkout time is eight, D'Eon. Grab some breakfast and leave your luggage outside the door for the bellboys to pick up by seven-thirty…" Durand said as he combed his unruly mane. D'Eon stopped brushing his teeth. He rinsed his mouth.

"What time is it now?"

"About seven forty-five…"

D'Eon made a mad dash finishing his morning ritual and cramming his belongings into his suitcase. It was too late. Durand's luggage and that of everyone else in the TV crew had been whisked down to the lobby. It was up to D'Eon to bring down his own luggage to the lobby for loading.

"Excuse me, is this the luggage trolley for the French Vee-TV crew?" he asked the young bellboy Ichimura Tetsunosuke. "Hai," the youngster chirped. He happily took the suitcase from D'Eon and loaded it onto the trolley. Whistling merrily, he pushed the trolley to the parking lot. Contented that his luggage was in safe hands, D'Eon went to join the buffet queue. He did not see his suitcase slip off Teillagory's camera equipment unnoticed by the bellboy and behind a potted plant.

* * *

"Trust you boys to sleep in," Teillagory chided as D'Eon wolfed down a riceball on the go. Durand was tucking into a bento. Sakamoto was belting out a jaunty ballad. Lia and Max clearly had an exhausting night. They were dozing contently in the back seat. Robin was playing a Japanese card game with his grandfather, Katsura Umeko and Sara.

"Say, why is that old lady joining us?" Durand asked.

"She's hitching a ride to visiting a friend at the flower farm you Frenchies will be filming. I hear there's a French tadpole there so you frogs will croak along just fine," Sakamoto teased. "Quit it with the frogs bit," Durand said. Sakamoto only chortled. "Well, you were the one who started doing the frog-dance the other night…"

"I was drunk!" Durand protested. He sat up and his bento tray flipped, spilling squid-ink soy sauce all over D'Eon's pale blue shirt. "Oh dear, we will have to wash that out or it will stain," Umeko warned. They stopped at the next rest stop, where D'Eon made a horrifying discovery.

"Shouldn't you get dressed?" Lia asked when D'Eon emerged shirtless. "My luggage is gone," he fretted. "You could wear Durand's or Maxxy's clothes…" Lia suggested.

"No way!" There was no way he was wearing Durand's outrageous clothes. Wearing the clothes of the guy who was bedding his sis was just icky in his opinion.

"Or would you prefer mine?" Lia frowned. D'Eon was being difficult. "Well, I do have a spare shirt in my kit…" Teillagory volunteered. The spare turned out to be a T-shirt sporting a bull's eye and the slogan 'Open Season'. "That one, I like," Sara smiled appreciatively.

* * *

"Sakura-chan!" Umeko also ran to the young woman at the little shop at the entrance of the farm. "Umeko-basan!" Shinguji Sakura looked up from the dried flowers she had been arranging. Behind the store, endless purple hills of lavender bloomed. "Iris-chan," Umeko beckoned to a golden-haired girl trying to hide behind a large rocking chair. "Come on, don't be shy…"

Iris' eyes lit up when she saw the teddy bear Sakamoto took out from his van. "There, Iris-chan. Here's Mr Teddy for your birthday," the van driver beamed. "She's my French teacher's granddaughter. Her ma transferred here as an accountant for the farm," he explained. The other members of the farm are starting to converge on the film crew, drawn by the commotion.

"Whoa, is that an angel I see?" Durand gazed appreciatively at a young woman in a sundress who was making her way through the fields. "Maria Tachibana, the owner of Tachibana Farms," Sara introduced.

"Enchantez," Durand did a bow and took Maria's hand in his, bestowing a kiss on it. "So shall we get down to business with the filming?" Maria said coldly. "The flowers must be harvested soon. Kohran told me that she has the machine fixed up to start oil extraction." A bespectacled girl in grease-stained overalls waved from a nearby shed.

"Oh, do hurry, or we will lose out to the competition!" a haughty-sounding woman called out. "Well, Sumire-san. Inviting them over was your idea," Sakura retorted. "It's good advertising. Next year we will be full of tourists…" Sumire pointed out. "The washroom is that way… and where's the famous Lia de Beaumont?"

"Right here," Lia nudged her brother forward. "Goodness! I never thought she was a twin!" Sumire exclaimed. Teillagory's T-shirt was baggy enough to hide D'Eon's male figure. His long blond ponytail did little to help him. "She does look better-dressed on TV…" Sumire frowned. She turned to Lia. "Oh, Miss…"

"Dion, as in Celine Dion," Lia lied. "Well, for your bad rash, we have a terrific lavender-scented cream that does wonders for rashes arising for allergies…" Sumire happily took Lia by the hand and took her inside their store. Here was a chance to make a sale.

"_Lia_, shall we start?" Max asked D'Eon as he held up D'Eon's next on-screen outfit. It was a long dress in the French pastoral style with a matching sun-bonnet. "Aw, you will look so pretty in that," Iris remarked. "I could help do up your hair. Nothing much, just some soft curls," Sakura offered. D'Eon almost died of embarrassment.

"Come on," Umeko urged. "It will go better with that dress. You sister had her hair done up the same way when she came to our resort." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "I got news from the resort. They found your bag in the lobby and have it under lock and key in the left baggage room. You'll get it back on the return trip." D'Eon gritted his teeth and vowed never to accept another free holiday courtesy of his sister.

* * *

Finally they started the shoot under the watchful eye of Maria Tachibana and Max. Sakura had managed to give D'Eon some soft waves in his hair to go with the damned dress. Meanwhile, Robin made did card tricks to entertain Iris. Umeko and Lia shopped in the little floral products store, buying several bags of Tachibana farm products.

"Lavender was introduced to Japan from France in the early 20th century. In post-war Japan…" D'Eon started his speech as he strolled between fields of fragrant flowers. The first insect barely stirred his notice. The second one made him nervous. Then to his horror he saw one, no, five hives abuzz with bees. The large-built beekeeper waved to them. She was kitted out in protective gear.

"That's Kanna. She's our beekeeper. We are looking into developing lavender honey. The bees are really quite placid," Maria explained to Max. "No sudden moves, stay calm and you'll be fine," Max reassured D'Eon. They were almost done with the shoot. It was a wrap if D'Eon could manage the last part without panicking thanks to the bees in the vicinity. "Just walk calmly out of the camera frame," Teillagory added.

Kanna was harvesting honey from the hives and the bees were looking a little agitated. D'Eon carefully put one foot before the other, trying to avoid the bees that strayed into his path. "Shall I use the smoke?" Kanna asked. Maria shook her head. Sending a cloud of smoke into the frame would ruin the shoot. D'Eon almost collapsed into Durand's arms as soon as he was out of the frame.

"CUT!" Max shouted. "Well done, mon ami!" D'Eon was thankful there was no killer swarm after him this time. "Want to try our honey?" Kanna offered. She held up a large comb that was dripping with honey, bees and larvae. "Sure," Max sampled a bit before passing it to Durand, who declined it. Teillagory tried a bit and swore the bees tasted nutty. D'Eon shuddered at the sight of the bees and retreated for the safety of the store.

"Don't mind Lia, she's allergic to beestings…" Max lied. "Funny, I thought she did a show on bee-sting therapy…" Maria asked.

"Well, the bee stung me, not her. The rest was all camera tricks," Max lied smoothly. He had almost forgotten about that news item on alternative therapy they covered.

* * *

"Aw, look here. Leapfrog," Sakamoto nudged Durand. Robin and Iris were playing a childish game of leapfrog around the back of the shed. "Isn't that sweet... but not as good as your frog dance. Come on, boy. We are hitting the road. Get your girlfriend's email and you can chitchat later," Sakamoto called out. Robin went crimson in the face and tried to stand up, forgetting that it was Iris' turn to leap. The girl tripped and fell on top of Robin's head.

Sakura and Durand immediately went to help both children up. Durand dusted Robin off while Sakura ushered Iris indoors to treat a nasty scrape. "Say, Robin. What did you catch the colour of her panties…" Durand whispered. "I think it was white lace… wait, I didn't see nothing!" Robin replied, blushing furiously. "She's just a baby."

"Actually, Iris should be a year younger than you. She also did some acting in Paris, on stage. I thought I recognized her from Le Miserable set a few years back. I did some sound work there… She was Cosette," Durand nudged Robin. "Go for it. You need to wash that knee too." Robin nodded and ran indoors.

The crew piled into the van and headed for lunch. D'Eon was relieved to be out of that dress and back in his pants and T-shirt.

**Author's Notes:**

Introduced the following characters from Sakura Wars

Shinguji Sakura – Japanese. Here she is a worker on the form.

Sumire – Japanese. Here she is a business partner

Tachibana Maria – of mixed Russian-Japanese parentage. She acts as the leader of the group. Here she owns the farm.

Iris – French, youngest of the group

Kohran – Chinese, mechanic. Here she is still a mechanic

Kanna- from Okinawa, here she is the beekeeper.

A pretty dress and getting introduced as Lia by his sister. It isn't D'Eon's day. Bees and honey. Possible long-distance penpal for Robin?

I really recommend going to Hokkaido in mid-July. That's when the lavender is at its best and same for a lot of other flowers.


	12. Flight of the Bumblebee

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

**12. Flight of the Bumblebee**

"The scenic town of Otaru…" Sara took a deep breath of the fresh air as she hopped off the van. "I smell the sea!" Robin exclaimed in delight. Umeko had left the crew at the train station in Furano to catch the next train into Hakodate. "Come on, I made reservations at a canal side café known as The Honky Tonk," Max urged. He had a friend who worked there.

At the Honky Tonk…

"Shido, it's so nice of you to visit me…" Madoka smiled sweetly as she savoured her coffee cake. Her boyfriend Fuyuki Shido was tucking into a potato salad. "It's nothing…" he replied. It was for him to get time to travel to Otaru to meet up with her. He looked out the window and saw the TV crew. He frowned.

"Ginji, the repair store's open…" Paul reminded the blond waiter. "And you promised to fix that coffee-maker."

"We'll drop by the repair store now…" Mido Ban grinned. Hevn of the repair store did have a cleavage to die for. "Not you, Ginji. We got customers," their supervisor said. "Gotcha," Ginji took the broken coffee maker and exited the store.

"Welcome to the Honky Tonk café," Ban greeted the customers. He recognized one of the Frenchmen. "Max! Whatever brings you here?"

"Give me and my girlfriend here the Lovers' Special Set," Maximilien hugged Lia. Lia smiled. "Coming right up. This way please," Ban showed the group over to a table, right next to a somber-looking man in a large black overcoat and the pair of Fuyuki and Madoka. Natsumi, the waitress came up with the menus.

"I would recommend the Set A for the old gentleman, and a kiddy set B for the little kid," Ban said in fluent French. "I am not a kid!" Robin protested. "The honey-roasted chicken set looks good…" D'Eon said as he browsed through the items. "And a honeysuckle tea…"

"I want the grilled salmon set please," Sakamoto said. "And sake!"

"No sake for him, he's driving!" Sara reminded. "You did remember to put out a coupon this time, did you?" Paul laughed. Sakamoto and Sara were regulars at his café. He went to prepare their usual orders of oyako don and grilled salmon. Sakamoto would have to make do with the plum juice tea. Soon everyone was tucking into their lunch, except for Lia.

Lia was looking a bit off-colour, although her rashes had mostly faded. Everyone put it down to the long trip from the farm. Then…

"Medic!" Durand shouted as Lia pitched into her boyfriend's arms in a swoon when she tried to get up. "Is there crab in this stuff?" D'Eon demanded. The Lovers' set looked like wagyu beef but you could not be too careful. Paul asked for a doctor. Dr Jackal placed his knife and fork down with a weary sigh. A doctor's work is never done. Between them both, Max and D'Eon got Lia stretched out on a bench while Durand made a valiant effort fanning her with a menu.

"Could it be an allergy? Or food poisoning?" D'Eon asked. Ban shoved him. "Look here, you faggot! The Honky Tonk's food is clean!" Teillagory got between the pair to prevent a fight. "The young lady just needs some water and rest," Dr Jackal said after carrying out a cursory examination. He was not interrupting his hard-earned lunch for some tourist with a minor ailment. "What? Is he some quack?" D'Eon exclaimed. "My sis doesn't go about fainting like that! I want a second opinion!"

Dr Jackal glowered at the young man. No one calls him a quack… "Hey, doc. How about I hold him while you punch?" Ban smirked. Poor Teillagory was shoved out of the way as the taller and stronger doctor closed in on D'Eon. D'Eon hiccupped. He did not like the fact that the doctor was holding a scalpel in his hand.

"Do something!" Robin cried out and pulled at Sakamoto's sleeve. Sakamoto and Sara were still happily enjoying their desserts. "I know a good undertaker," Sakamoto shrugged. Sara giggled and whipped out her phone, ready to film what may be D'Eon's last moments on Earth.

"What's the racket, Paul? We could hear it from across the road!" a long-haired youth leading a blind young man asked. Kazuki and Juubei had just entered the café just as various customers made their hasty exit. Fuyuki Shido was standing protectively in front of his girl. They were hemmed in their corner of the café. Natsumi cowered behind the counter as Paul tried valiantly to restrain the doctor.

"That idiot insulted Dr Jackal," Sakamoto replied. "So our good doctor is intending to try his hand at public vivisection."

"Oh knock it off," Juubei said. Dr Jackal's pager beeped. The doctor put down his scalpel. "Sorry, the hospital needs me. Place my lunch on my tab," the doctor put on his hat. "It's on the house," Paul let out an audible sigh of relief. It would have been hell to clean up if a brawl really broke out between his customers. D'Eon apparently failed to appreciate how close he came to painful death.

"How's my sis?" Lia was still unconscious. "Allow me…" Juubei took Lia's wrist in his fingers. He waited, feeling the pulse. "Oh my, congrats…"

Fuyuki and his girlfriend emerged from their corner. "I want to play a song for them, please…" Madoka offered and took out her violin. Fuyuki nodded. Madoka's music tend to have a calming effect.

"Congrats?" D'Eon blinked. "My sis is sick and you're congratulating me?"

"What my friend means is that your sister is expecting…" Kazuki smiled. "Paul, we want our usual Irish coffee. With extra cream," he placed his order calmly. D'Eon spun round on his stepbrother. Max was wearing a stunned expression on his face. The blond closed in with a murderous expression on his face. Unnoticed to everyone, a lazy bumblebee flew into the cafe as Dr Jackal left.

"MAX! You got Lia pregnant! What are you going to do about… Eek!" D'Eon yipped as the large bumblebee buzzed almost into his face. He backed away from the insect as strains of _the Flight of the Bumblebee _filled the Honky Tonk, courtesy of Madoka. D'Eon fled as the insect merrily followed him, finally cornering him at open window. "D'Eon! Watch out!"

Max grabbed D'Eon's wrist a fraction of a second too late. The momentum of D'Eon falling through the open window pulled Maximilien out as well. There was a tremendous splash which roused Lia from her swoon. "Whatever was that?"

"Er, Max and D'Eon fell out the window and into the canal," Robin announced as he peered out of the window where the ill-fated pair had plunged from. Lia immediately ran out of the café, to the canal-side and waded in. D'Eon was shouting and splashing about in the water. The floating Max was ominously still and quiet. Lia waded in and went immediately to Max, rolling him face-up and dragging him to the shore where the rest of the crew waited anxiously.

"Careful, he may have hit his head…" Lia said as he handed him over to Durand and Teillagory. "What about me?" D'Eon exclaimed. "D'Eon, get out of the canal. The water is only waist-deep…" Lia shrugged indifferently. Max was starting to come round with a weak moan. He had a big bruise on his forehead.

"Lia, will you marry me?" Max blurted out as he sat up. "I-I need to think about this…" Lia blushed. It was too sudden.

"Lia, think about the baby," D'Eon urged. He waded out of the canal, feeling like a fool. "What baby?" Lia had been unconscious throughout the diagnosis. "Sorry I scared you back there… I'm just feeling a bit under the weather… I'll be back to normal in no time," she added.

"Nope, you can expect morning sickness, a baby bump and finally a wailing bundle of joy in about eight months," Durand said. And Max is welcome to diaper-changing duty.

"Don't we have a documentary to shoot?" Lia asked, changing the topic. "Let's get D'Eon into his outfit and over to the music box museum…" She was not going to be bullied into marriage so easily. She would have to confirm her condition later but she doubted she was pregnant. They had always been careful, well, mostly. She placed a hand over her lower abdomen, wondering if there really was a little life in there waiting.

**Author's Names:**

Yes, the Honky Tonk is that café run by Paul Wang of the GetBackers series. Midou Ban, Ginji, Natsumi, Juubei, Kazuki, Dr Jackal and Madoka are also from that series.

At least Max is okay. It will never do to have D'Eon accidentally kill Max. Don't think Lia will forgive him for that.

Baby on the way for Lia and Max? Will Lia agree to marry Max? Will D'Eon agree to be the best man?


	13. Rabbit in the Box

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

What can be more embarrassing for a guy than getting caught by your girlfriend when you are wearing a dress? Guess what is going to happen to D'Eon.

**13. Rabbit in the Box**

D'Eon was getting the hang of being a travel host. The famous Music Box Museum oozed Old World charm with a life-size pipe organ music box and a Baroque orchestra, which was probably why Lia had selected a Victorian-styled dress for this segment. Victorian dresses were not known for being comfortable. The corset was killing him. He wondered how anyone could think up such an evil instrument of torture.

"Cut, that was magnificent!" Maximilien called out. "Everyone take ten." The producer had been acting oddly since his tumble into the river. For once, he had praised D'Eon. Worried, Lia walked over to Maximilien's side. The pair sidled off into one of the side galleries for a private talk. Teillagory and Durand made use of this break to adjust their lights and camera. "The light must be stronger when we do the shoot by the organ. Will have to take that into consideration…" Teillagory observed.

"Come on, there is a neat ice-cream stand just outside. Any takers? They have the seven-scoop special," Sara suggested. Their driver had stayed behind in the Honky Tonk. "Count me in!" Robin raised his hand immediately. "D'Eon, watch him for me, will you?" Teillagory called out. D'Eon nodded. He liked Robin. It was like having a kid brother. The trio went out to the ice-cream stand. It was a move D'Eon would regret the minute he bought his cone.

"D'Eon?" Anna's voice sounded behind him. D'Eon almost dropped his cone in shock. Slowly, he turned around. He was wearing a dress in front of his girlfriend. The colour rose to his cheeks. Robin and Sara were grinning like a pair of mischievous children behind a tree. Anna stared at D'Eon. D'Eon swallowed hard.

"Sorry, I'm Lia…" he lied clumsily.

"Oh my god, that means it was D'Eon I saw your stepbrother kissing back there," Anna shrieked in alarm. "Argh, my boyfriend's gay!" The red-haired girl clapped her hand over her mouth. D'Eon slapped his brow in dismay. He should have known that Lia and Max would be indulging in something more than chit-chat during their break.

* * *

Back in the museum, Max has his ear pressed against Lia's belly. "Max, even if I am pregnant, it is too soon for her to kick…"

"He, Lia… I'm sure it will be a son…" Max kissed Lia on the lips. "No, I want a sweet little girl and we'll name her Paris…" Lia grinned. Max made a face. "Paris, as in Paris Hilton? How about Mona… If it's a boy, his name will be Milton, after my uncle…" he sneezed.

* * *

"Okay, I admit it. I am wearing a dress…" D'Eon said. There goes his last hope ever being with Anna. "I am… covering for her until she recovers from her rashes."

"You are willing to wear a dress for your sis?" Anna blinked. "That is so…"

"Sissy? Silly?"

"Well, I think that is both sweet and brave of you to do that for your sis. For one moment, I thought you had gone otaku and are cosplaying…"

"What are you doing here?"

"Marie gave me the day off so I thought I would check out the music box museum… Will this be screened on Vee-TV?"

"Yeah…" His face and that dress would be screened on TV sets across Europe. Thankfully, he hoped he would be introduced as his sister and Lia would do the voice-over. And no one will be the wiser. "Well, I must catch the bus back…" Anna smiled. She leaned forward and gave D'Eon a peck on his cheek. "See you later…"

"Psst, you owe me a hundred bucks…" Robin walked up to D'Eon and whispered. "Why? I don't owe you any… oh gosh! Gimme that!" D'Eon yelled as Robin ran circles around him with his mobile camera showing a picture of Anna kissing D'Eon in a dress. "We could use this for your wedding montage!" Robin teased. Sara giggled as she joined the game of pass the camera.

"Hey, it's time to get back to work," Teillagory called out. He wondered why Robin and D'Eon were taking so long. "Coming, Gramps," Robin laughed and ran towards the museum with D'Eon in hot pursuit.

* * *

"How long must I continue wearing this dress?" D'Eon complained. "Not too long. Your clothes are still at the Laundromat. Look on the bright side. This is the last time you are covering for your sister," Sara said. They had completed their filming at the Music Box Museum with no additional hiccups.

The high lace collar was itchy. "Stop scratching, you will tear the blouse…" Durand warned. "Just take the blouse off if you are bothered by it so much," Sakamoto smiled. He was sipping a beer.

"Who was it who got the van towed off because he forgot to put a parking coupon?" D'Eon glared at their driver. The filming had continued late into the evening and they only discovered the absence of their transport and luggage when they returned to the parking lot. It was too late to retrieve their van from the compound lot and they were obliged to take rooms at a nearby inn. D'Eon had called Anna at the resort. She was disappointed he was unable to join her for dinner or supper. To make it up to her, D'Eon had purchased a lovely little music box with a dancing swan in it for her.

* * *

Two hours later, D'Eon was wearing a touristy T-shirt over his still damp jeans. The offensive Victorian dress had been packed away. Lia and Max had a room to themselves while D'Eon and the others where sharing. Sara mentioned something about catching up with some friends at the local pub and took off. Sakamoto told them not to wait up as he intended to spend the night fishing for squid. Still, that left…

"D'Eon, please remove your foot from my cheek…" Robin complained. "Not unless you delete that photo of me in a dress…" D'Eon growled. "Come on, your pretty face in that pretty dress will be all over TV… Ow!" Robin yelped as D'Eon poked his other foot into his ribs. "D'Eon, let the kid off already… he doesn't mean any harm," Durand grinned at Robin's predicament. "Ear-plugs?" Obviously, Durand was well aware of their cameraman's snoring. Teillagory was already dozing against one wall of their room and Durand had to literally step over him on the way in. He squeezed in between Robin and D'Eon.

"Perhaps I should go over to Lia's…" D'Eon suggested. It was way too cramped. Durand was practically lying against his back.

"Er, I doubt that will be wise… Put your ear up against that wall and listen," Durand hinted. D'Eon did as Durand suggested. "Oh god," he gasped and turned beetroot red at the sounds of passionate lovemaking coming from Lia's room.

"But I can't sleep with you up against my back," D'Eon complained. "You were humping me in your sleep the last time…"

"Sorry, if I rolled over, I'd squish kiddo here and Gramps wouldn't like that one bit," Durand thumbed at a sleeping Robin and a snoring Teillagory. "Wanna check out the vending machines in the lobby? I could use a beer…"

"But you had two already and I don't drink…"

"They got coffee too… besides you are too young to drink…"

"Am not…" D'Eon retorted. The young men tiptoed over the sleeping pair, careful not to rouse them. A few beers later in the lobby, both Durand and D'Eon were laughing and joking. "So she kissed you when you were in a dress? You should return the favour…"

"It is late, let's get back… Do you have the key?" D'Eon yawned. "I thought you had it…" Durand murmured. "Never mind, Robin will let us in…"

* * *

Ten minutes of hollering and pounding later, they failed to rouse Robin, Teillagory or even the pair of lovebirds in the next room. "We need our passports to get a replacement key from the lobby… but I left mine in the room…" Durand shrugged. "Me too," D'Eon frowned. The dejected pair went back to the lobby, to see Sakamoto and Sara trying to get a room for the night.

"_Gomen_, we are full," the front desk staff apologized. "Perhaps you would like to try the capsule hotel in the next street…"

"Aw, the rain ruined my fishing and now we're stuck with the old rabbit hutch. Well, at least it beats sleeping in the open…" Sakamoto shrugged. He spotted the Frenchmen. "Say, are you two froggies going dancing in the rain or what?"

"We locked ourselves out and left our passports in the room. The others are fast asleep," D'Eon explained. "If you don't mind a small bunk, you could try the old capsule hotel. I know the owner," Sara smiled. "You just need to pay for the bunk. It comes with a mattress, pillow and blanket for the night."

* * *

"Er, we have a problem. There are four of us and only three bunks," Sara announced. A wolfish grin came to Sakamoto's face. "Before you get any ideas, I am not sharing mine," Sara swatted him playfully on the shoulder. She hoisted herself into her bunk and shut the door resolutely.

"Anyone wants to be my bed-buddy?" Sakamoto winked cheekily at Durand and D'Eon. Both shook their heads. "You had your chance." Sakamoto climbed into his bunk and shut his door as well. "I guess we have to share…" Durand and D'Eon stared at the only empty bunk left. "After you," Durand offered. D'Eon eased himself in. It was cramped. He could barely sit upright. Durand slid in and shut the door, drawing the curtains as he did so.

"Lights off?" he whispered. D'Eon fumbled for the switch that plunged them both into darkness save for the dim light filtering through the curtains. D'Eon gingerly stretched his legs out, bumping into Durand's knee as he did so. With a grunt, Durand folded his jacket for a pillow and settled in beside D'Eon. "You can have the pillow and blanket… Good night…" It was a tight fit. D'Eon considered for a moment before using half of the blanket to cover Durand. It would not do for him to catch cold sleeping in a sleeveless shirt. _"Bon nuit…"_he added.

**Author's Notes:**

Durand and D'Eon are sharing a bunk. Capsule hotels – a feature of Japanese cities. A hotel catering to those who missed the last train home, offering the barest necessities of a bunk with minimal frills. Fondly known as 'Rabbit Hutches'.


	14. Wild and Wet

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

Funny dreams for D'Eon again.

**14. Wild and Wet **

"_D'Eon…" Anna was wearing a very sexy playboy bunny get-up. She was crawling towards him on her hands and knees. D'Eon swallowed. "This must be a dream…" he gasped. Dream or not, his body was responding eagerly. Anna climbed into his lap and placed a hand on his shoulder. _

_She gave a strangled gasp. "D'Eon, you are poking me…" she said in a very un-Anna voice. She sounded like Durand. This was wrong… _

"Wake up."

D'Eon opened his eyes and found himself staring at Durand's face. His body was pressed flush against the older man. He awkwardly scrambled away from Durand and banged his head against the side of their capsule. "Wet dream?" Durand yawned and rubbed sleep from his eyes.

"You know, you could wed her if that really bothers you so much. Wait, she is sixteen. Guess you have two more years to go…" Durand nonchalantly wore his jacket.

"Rise and shine, gentlemen!" Sakamoto thumped the door of their capsule vigorously. "I took the liberty of waking up early to bail out the van. Go get your stuff from the van, D'Eon. You should freshen up before meeting up with the rest. Come on!" He handed the pair a disposable toiletries set each and pointed them in the direction of the washrooms.

* * *

After a hasty breakfast, the crew hit the road. "Here's the plan. We drop you and the kid at Umeko-san's resort before continuing on to Sapporo…" Max announced over breakfast. "Wait, why do I have to go back?" Robin asked. "I was helping Gramps fine…"

"Sorry, Robin. Master Teillagory's instructions. No one under 18 on this part of the trip…" Max continued. "But I am eighteen…" D'Eon asked. "My little turtledove, I mean, Lia's request," Max coughed and turned pink in the face at his slip of the tongue. D'Eon looked at Lia. She still had some spots on her face. "Don't worry. I will use this mask and Sara will do some makeup for me," Lia said, catching her brother's glance. She held up a Mardi Gras mask. Durand noticed the conversation and inched over, a magazine in his hand.

"But Lia… I am old enough… OH MY GOD!" D'Eon yelped and almost fell off his seat when a raunchy Playboy centrefold was flashed before his eyes in full naked glory.

"Oui, still the choir-boy, aren't you?" Durand teased. A curious Robin tried to peer over D'Eon's shoulder to see what was so interesting, only to have his grandfather clap both hands over his eyes. Durand nonchalantly put away his Playboy August edition. Sakamoto chuckled. "Hey, are you sure you don't want to have him educated in Sukino? I know some thoughtful ladies who may be of service…" their driver teased.

D'Eon was blushing red as a tomato. "Have you kissed a girl before, D'Eon? And I don't mean your grandma or sis," Durand teased. "Well, I-I am saving it for Anna…" D'Eon bleated. "Knock it off, Durand," Lia warned. The brunette complied and returned to his seat, still chuckling.

* * *

"I guess it is the two of us, until they are finished," Robin grinned and shouldered his overnight bag. They had been dropped off at the resort's entrance. The bellboy brought D'Eon the luggage that was left behind by accident earlier. Umeko on hand to welcome the pair back to the resort and hand them the keys to their rooms. "Ice-tea?" Umeko asked. "Yes, please, arigato…" D'Eon smiled. It had been a long ride from Otaru. A waitress brought out two tall glasses of iced lavender-scented tea.

"A little gift from Maria-san and the girls at the lavender farm," Umeko explained. "Oh, by the way, Miss Anna is at poolside with Young Master Auguste." She winked at D'Eon. D'Eon swallowed hard. _Why was everyone so interested in his love life all of a sudden?_

Robin had wandered over to the balcony overlooking the pool. "Bon jour, Auguste!" he called out. "Come join us, Robin!" Auguste shouted. With a whoop, he slid down a waterslide into pool. D'Eon joined Robin. Anna was paddling with the aid of an inflated swan. She was wearing a one-piece swimsuit. D'Eon stared at her pert bottom and the pale thighs as she practised her frog-style.

"Let's go join them!" Robin urged. D'Eon nodded in agreement. A short stroll down a flight of stairs took them to the poolside.

"How are things with Marie?" Robin asked quietly. Anna shrugged as she emerged from the pool and sat on a pool chair. "They agreed to a divorce. Elizaveta has the papers out and they signed it. They are working out the visitation rights now there," she glanced at the poolside bar where the couple were in heated discussion. The lawyer hovered nearby, nursing a cocktail.

"Well, look who's joining us…" Robin winked as D'Eon joined them. "For you, Anna," he presented his girlfriend with the music box. Anna clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, it's lovely. Thank you, D'Eon!" The music box was styled in the manner of a glided Faberge egg covered with silver filigree hearts. When the lid was lifted, it revealed a small swan spinning on a mirrored platform. The tune it played was _Ave Maria_. It had caused D'Eon a hole in his pocket. However, it was worth it to see Anna's lovely smile.

"Miss Anna, do you want me to send this to your phone?" Robin asked innocently as he opened his mobile. It displayed the photo of her kissing D'Eon, with the latter in a Victorian dress. D'Eon blanched.

"I thought Teillagory ordered you to get rid of that!"

"I am a teenager, D'Eon. I don't have to listen to Grandpa all the time!" Robin laughed. "Maybe we should post this on Facebook… and send it to every single one of your classmates!"

"Gimme that!" D'Eon chased after Robin as the latter fled round the pool. Seeing the chase, young Auguste climbed out of the pool and joined the fun. Anna giggled to see the two younger boys dodge and run circles around poor D'Eon.

Spotting the commotion from the pub, Marie stood up. "Auguste! Stop teasing D'Eon. It is dangerous to run around the pool like that!" Her words came too late. Someone slipped on a puddle on the edge of the pool and fell into the water with a tremendous splash.

"D'Eon!" Anna shrieked in alarm and leapt to her feet. Robin stopped and gaped. Auguste let out a whimper of fear before bursting into loud tears. This was no longer fun. D'Eon trashed about in the pool. He had fallen in at the deep end. He was swallowing more water and flailing about. Marie hugged Auguste to comfort her child.

"Where's a lifeguard when you need one?" Robin yelled and looked around for some tool they could use to reach D'Eon. He was too slight to attempt a rescue from the water. He found a long broom used for cleaning the pool.

"Someone hold my legs!" Robin shouted. He had seen it done in the movies before. He hoped it worked in real life. Anna nodded and grabbed him about his thighs. Robin leaned out over the pool and stretched out with the broom. "Grab on!" he shouted. D'Eon was spluttering but he must have heard his words. He lunged for the broom, missed and tried again. This time, his hand closed about the pole.

"Steady does it…" Robin slowly but surely started to pull the young man in.

A small crowd had gathered about the poolside, watching the rescue. Louis was opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish as he mopped his brow. Wearing a scanty bikini, Pompadour fluttered about nearby, apparently trying to attract the attention of some rich bachelor than being of any assistance. Only Elizaveta continued sipping her cocktail at the bar, apparently unconcerned by the drama. Auguste had calmed down and was watching the rescue in silence from the safety of Marie's arms.

Ekaterina held out a hand to help D'Eon out of the water. Coughing, D'Eon clambered out onto the edge of the pool. "You should go change out of those clothes…" Robin suggested. Umeko tottered over with a pool towel. The commotion was sufficient to draw her from the laundry where she had been taking stock of the sheets. She wondered where their lifeguard had disappeared to. It was unlike Enishi to abandon his post like that, unless… She cringed as another commotion broke out, this time from the restaurant kitchens. Tomoe's husband and little brother never really got along. Tomoe should really sort things out.

D'Eon got to his feet shakily and took the towel Umeko offered him. He tossed it over his head, towelling his hair vigorously. He hastily walked towards the building. He did not see Pompadour standing on the pool-edge. He bumped into her. Pompadour let loose a squeal of shock. She flailed her arms, trying to regain her balance. D'Eon made a desperate grab to save her. His fingers catch on a flimsy piece of fabric before she fell in with a splash.

"D'Eon, you sly devil…" Robin sniggered. D'Eon stared at the piece of fabric in his hand. It was the upper part of Pompadour's bikini. "I'm so sorry!" D'Eon called out. The outraged woman treaded water sullenly. Awkwardly, D'Eon placed the bikini top on the pool's edge and retreated. Robin stooped down at the pool's edge and sneaked a quick peek at Pompadour's generous physical assets. "Scram!" Pompadour splashed water at Robin. The young boy ran off laughing.

* * *

"D'Eon, are you alright?" Anna asked from outside his room. D'Eon opened the door a crack. "Yes, it was just a little bit of water…"

"You almost drowned, D'Eon," Anna replied. "May I come in please?"

"No…"

"Are you dressed?"

"Yes… but the room's a mess…" D'Eon reluctantly opened the door to admit Anna. Anna immediately scooped up the wet discarded clothes from the floor and hung them in the bathroom to dry. As she bent down, D'Eon caught a tiny glimpse of her white panties under her skirt. Immediately images of her in a sexy playboy bunny suit came to mind.

"D'Eon, will you be able to accompany me to the prom this year? It is the theme is La Masquerade… I know you are busy with college and all…" Anna started.

"Of course, Anna," D'Eon took her hands in his. Lia has lots of contacts. She could help them get some cool costumes. "D'Eon…" Anna drew close to him. D'Eon's heart thumped as their lips came close…

"D'Eon! Have you got any band-aids with you?" Robin yelled and rapped on the door hard. D'Eon and Anna released each other's hands and drew away awkwardly. "Coming!" D'Eon grabbed his first-aid kit and opened the door. Robin was sporting a scraped knee and elbow. "Took a spill… no biggie… I better get cleaned up before Gramps gets here..."

**Author's Notes: **

At least D'Eon's getting a break now. Sparks between Anna and D'Eon, anyone?


	15. Moonlight on the Lake

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

Let us allow D'Eon and Anna some private time to get to know each other better… Not!

**15. Moonlight on the Lake**

D'Eon knew this was his last day, or rather, last night in Hokkaido. Tomorrow, they would catch the flight back home… He shuddered at the idea of a torturous journey with multiple transits and hours in the air. For now, his sister and most of the Vee TV crew were in Sapporo shooting their Sukino Sexy Exposé special and would only return late into the night. D'Eon and Anna had enjoyed a sushi dinner. The sashimi was fresh and the wasabi deliciously tangy. Anna was hesitant about eating raw prawns at first, but enjoyed them once she got over that. The grilled scallops were juicy and bursting with sweetness. The meal was rounded off by a delicious yuzu jelly sporting pomelo sacs and chestnut-paste mochi.

Now they were sitting on a bench in the rock garden of the resort on the lake's shores, basking in the light of a full moon and soft Japanese lantern-shaped lamps. "D'Eon, we will be returning tomorrow… Marie has finished her discussion with Mister Louis. They want to get back to Paris to finalise everything in Miss Elizaveta's office… We may even be on the same flight as you…" Anna sighed and leaned her head on D'Eon's shoulder. D'Eon swallowed as a stray lock of red hair brushed against his jaw.

"D'Eon… I'm worried. I mean, they always seemed such a loving couple in public. I never thought he was cheating on her… It's awful isn't it? She still loves him, in a way. I do not know what I would do if the man I loved were to betray me…" Anna sighed softly. D'Eon reached up to caress a lock of red hair.

"Anna, never fear. I swear I will never hurt you… ever…" Without thinking, he kissed her on the brow.

"ANNA!" Auguste's voice broke the silence of the night. "Anna and D'Eon sitting on a bench. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" The lovers blushed. This was awkward.

Waving a sparkler, the young boy came running and laughing. Standing in for Anna as babysitter, Robin chased after Auguste. "Go for it, D'Eon!" Robin paused a moment before the pair and winked at D'Eon before running after his charge. Marie would be far from amused if her son fell into the lake. "Wait up, Auguste!"

Robin caught up with Auguste. Piggybacking the giggling child, Robin trotted back towards the resort building.

"D'Eon, it is getting late… Have you tried the hot spring yet?" Anna asked sweetly. D'Eon flushed crimson. They would be naked in the pool, _together…_

Someone on the lake shore broke into off-key singing. There was a guitar being played. Groups of youths have gathered to celebrate the summer night. "Sano! Don't forget the fireworks!" a guest shouted. A gaggle of young men toting boxes of mini fireworks headed for the lake shore for a night of fun. Stoically, Nami stood by with a first aid box. Sagara Sanosuke was as likely to get burnt. It was barely a few minutes that Sanosuke yelped and ran past D'Eon and Anna with his cargo pants on fire. Nami nonchalantly hosed him down with a garden hose, dousing the flames.

"I am taking you in for illegal soliciting!" Saitou Hajime fumed as he dragged a handcuffed Lorenza past the pair. His deputy, Chou, brought up the rear with a sullen Cagliostro. "Don't forget the drug charge, chief!" the blond added. "Shut up, broom-head!" Saitou snapped.

"I am a guest!" Lorenza shrilled as the cops marched the pair of felons to the parking lot where their cruiser waited. The garden was getting more active and less romantic by the minute.

"Let's go back inside," D'Eon suggested. Anna nodded. "I will meet you at the pool, D'Eon," she said before she walked off.

* * *

Hitching a towel round his waist, D'Eon nervously peered through the steam. _What if Anna was standing there, naked? _The hot spring was surprisingly empty. "No hanky-panky in the pool, children… It is bad manners," Umeko reminded. She tottered past with a wooden tub of towels. She winked at D'Eon before continuing to replenish the towels in the changing room.

"D'Eon?" Anna was there, in the pool. D'Eon stepped over to the pool and slid in, towel and all. He realised Anna was wearing a swimming costume. "I know this is not how we are supposed to do it but I don't feel comfortable naked…" Anna smiled apologetically. Umeko stepped out of the spring area and hung an _'In cleaning' _sign on the entrance to the spring. She would return in fifteen minutes to actually start the cleaning. She went off to enjoy a cup of tea.

"Anna," D'Eon sat so that he was facing away from Anna. "We have known each other since we were kids…" He gasped suddenly when Anna leaned back against his back. Her back was warm and soft against his. "I-I l-love… I love you, Anna!" he blurted out.

"I love you too, D'Eon…" They sat in silence for a while.

"Will you… m-ma-mar…" D'Eon stuttered. He couldn't get the words out. Maybe it was too soon…

"Think Lia will marry Maximilien soon? I saw her checking out a wedding dress store in Otaru…" Anna sighed with pleasure as the warm water swirled about them.

"Sorry, time for pool cleaning…" Umeko re-entered the enclosure with her female assistants. Anna and D'Eon emerged from the pool and went to change back into their yukatas in their respective changing rooms.

* * *

Meanwhile in Sukino, Sapporo, the Vee-TV crew were wrapping up for the night.

"Well, well… I never thought I still have the charm at my age," Teillagory grinned as a bevy of nubile beauties swarmed round him, blowing kisses at the camera. "Sorry, ladies… this old papa is hitting the sack," he rubbed his eyes and packed up his camera equipment. It had been a long day. He should consider retirement soon. It was getting hard for him to catch up with the young ones. The girls let loose audible sighs of disappointment. There went their chance of making it to international TV. Durand and Maximilien were attracting as much attention as their cameraman.

"Tom Cruise! May I please have your autograph?" a hostess squealed in Japanese. Durand grinned broadly and took the booklet and pen she offered. Maximilien thought the lady needed to have her eyesight checked. "Sorry, miss. You are mistaken. He is only a TV film extra, not Tom Cruise," Maximilien corrected. The said hostess snatched her booklet and pen back from Durand in a huff.

"Could I have your phone number please, handsome?" a sultry beauty in a skin-tight cocktail dress purred and slid her leg against Maximilien's. "Sorry, he's spoken for," Lia smiled sweetly and steered her beau away from the would-be temptress. "_Mon cherie_, my heart beats only for you. You are the light of my life," Maximilien took Lia's hand in his and planted a kiss on the back of her hand. His actions immediately set off squeals of envy from the ladies watching.

"Monsieur Durand, fun-time's over…" Sara yanked Durand away from a bosomy peroxide-blond he was chatting up. "Sorry sweetheart, duty calls…" Durand blew a kiss to the blond.

"Er, you do know that 'she' is a 'he', don't you?" Sara whispered into Durand's ear. The brunette Frenchman blanched at her words and cursed under his breath. He fled when the blond transvestite reciprocated by blowing him a kiss.

"Not hanging out with your boyfriend from the _Knight Club_?" Sakamoto teased. "It is over. I just broke up with him," Sara shrugged. "Not going off to meet some girls?"

"Nah, I am working, right?" Sakamoto winked as the crew piled into the van. "I bet you lot are starved. I know a place near the inn that sells great ramen for supper…" he revved up the engine and popped in a CD.

Teillagory yawned. "I'll pass… Late night snacks don't go well with me… Wake me up when we get to the inn." He pulled his beret down on his head and settled in his seat for a snooze.

"Ramen? You mean noodles in pork bone broth? Sounds delicious…" Durand licked his lips thoughtfully.

Maximilien ran his fingers through Lia's hair as she lay against his shoulder. "No crab please…" he emphasised. "Don't worry. This chef is allergic to all seafood save fish. His broth is definitely crab-free," Sara winked. Maximilien nodded.

* * *

Back at the resort…

"It is kind of strange how Lia and Max are marrying… I heard from Lia she first met Max when she starting working part-time at his old private investigator job…" Anna said as she fluffed her hair dry. D'Eon frowned. "I didn't like him when I first met him at my ma's wedding to his pa. Then after the car wreck, Lia quit her job with Max for Vee-TV. Then Max quit his detective job for TV… I can't believe they are going to start a family together…" D'Eon chewed a corner of his lip.

"Don't worry, D'Eon… I believe they will be very happy together…" Anna placed her hand on D'Eon's elbow and leaned against his shoulder. "Oh, good evening, Marie…"

Marie was coming down the corridor with a yawning Auguste. "Ah, D'Eon! Robin was looking for you. I left him alone in your room," Marie greeted them with a smile. D'Eon thought she looked very tired. Faint lines showed at the corners of her mouth and eyes. Despite her resolve, the divorce proceedings were taking a toll on her. Auguste had seemed blissfully unaware of his parents' marital troubles.

"Good night, D'Eon," Anna kissed him on the cheek before joining Marie and Auguste. She was sharing a room with her employer and her ward.

* * *

Finishing his pre-bedtime ritual, D'Eon found a PJ-clad Robin bent over a glossy magazine on the tatami. It was a copy of the month's Playboy. "Robin! Where did you get that?" D'Eon cried out and snatched it from him. "From Durand," Robin chuckled. "I helped myself to it when we left the van… Hey, you should really check out the boobs on page 12…"

"Go to bed, Robin… It is late…" D'Eon put the magazine aside, for later.

"Aw, you sound like my ma. Chill, D'Eon. There is a nice horror movie on tonight. It's a classic – the Exorcist…" Robin hopped to his feet and went over to the bathroom. D'Eon groaned and sat down on his futon.

"D'Eon, is it true you are deathly afraid of flying?" Robin's voice added from the bathroom above the tinkling as he relieved himself. "Am not!" D'Eon protested. "I just get airsick…"

"Get Durand to give you a pill before getting on the flight. He has some pills for airsickness. He got airsick once when we were on a flight for a shoot in Corsica. Puked both lunch and breakfast over the aisle. So shall we watch the Exorcist?" Robin plonked himself on his futon. D'Eon shook his head. He was no fan of horror flicks.

"Have you and Anna done it yet?" Robin asked.

"What?"

"You know… S-E-X…"

"Of course not! Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well, Mademoiselle Lia and Monsieur Maximilien were definitely doing it because your sister is not Virgin Mary," Robin shrugged and started channel-surfing. "Aha, found it!"

The TV screen rolled the opening credits of the Exorcist. D'Eon lay down and pulled his blanket over his head.

**Author's Notes:**

So the vacation ends…


	16. Flying on Wings

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

More funny dreams and wake-up calls for D'Eon. This is the last chapter for this AU, unless readers would like to attend Max and Lia's wedding in the epilogue.

**16. Flying on Wings**

Anna puckered her lips as he held her in his arms. Her red hair was tousled. Her eyes shone like stars in her lovely heart-shaped face before she closed her eyes. D'Eon puckered his lips and closed the distance between their lips. The theme from _Gone with the Wind_ blared in the background as Southern roses bloomed about them. _"Anna…" _D'Eon breathed.

"D'Eon…" Robin's voice roused him from his sleep. "Wake up. You can stop hugging and kissing my butt now…" Robin sounded really, really awkward

D'Eon opened his eyes and to his horror, saw that his arms were around the young boy's thighs and he was facing the Robin's backside. "Yikes!" D'Eon leapt out of bed in shock. "Why are you sleeping the other way round?" Robin was lying with his head at the foot of his futon.

"I fell asleep halfway through the movie. I was using the headphones so as not to disturb you. Pity the wire was so short…" Robin rubbed sleep from his eyes and sat up. The headphones were looped about his shoulders. The TV was still on and it was now showing the weather forecast. "This stays in this room…" Robin yawned. D'Eon nodded. No one need know about him kissing Robin's rear end.

* * *

Anna bid D'Eon adieu after breakfast. Marie had hailed a taxi for Sapporo. She wanted to squeeze in some shopping before the flight.

About lunchtime, the van trundled into the driveway sporting multiple dents and a busted front fender. "Irrashaimase, how was Sukino?" Umeko greeted the Vee-TV crew at the front door. "It was hot, especially when our driver pissed off some yakuza-types over breakfast. We needed to get away pronto and he did a short-cut through the _Knight Club_, followed by the Ramen Street…" Sara shrugged as she fiddled with her broken sunglasses.

"How is my brother? Has he proposed to Anna or anything yet?" Lia asked Robin. The boy shook his head, keeping his eyes glued to his magazine. He did not see his grandfather approaching.

"I guess I won our bet," Maximilien shrugged. Lia pouted. She had high hopes that allowing Anna and D'Eon some privacy to soak in the resort's relaxed atmosphere would move things along a bit. And after all the trouble she went to arranging things with Marie and Robin to let Anna have some time off from babysitting Auguste.

Teillagory snatched the Playboy magazine from his grandson. "Hey! I was reading that!" Robin shouted. He went pale when he saw who had snatched his magazine. "Gramps? Ow!" Robin yelped as Teillagory rapped him on the head lightly with his knuckles. "You are too young for this… ooh…" Teillagory stopped in mid-lecture as a bosomy sex bomb in a sheer lace apron smiled out from the pages of the magazine. "If you think that is hot, you should check out page 8. Bavarian chic babe in lingerie," Robin suggested. The old man eagerly flipped to page 8.

"Has anyone seen my Playboy magazine?" Durand fumbled through the contents of his overnight bag. "I am sure I packed it in this bag…" He failed to notice the cameraman and his grandson across the lobby. Both were poring over his missing magazine.

"Did you kiss her?" Lia asked D'Eon. "No? _Sacra bleu_!"

She had found him moping beside the coffee vending machine. "I tried to propose to her but the words wouldn't come out…" D'Eon said. "Just say those words! Max didn't have any problems saying that…" Lia retorted. She bought a hot cocoa from the machine. She needed to think of the baby now. No more caffeine or alcohol for a while.

"That's because if he didn't, I would have knocked his lights out." D'Eon finished his coffee and tossed the can into the recycle bin.

"Ha-ha, you know as well as I do that Max will knock your lights out," Durand butted into the siblings' conversation. "Has anyone seen my magazine?"

"If you are referring to the Playboy, I believe Master Teillagory and Robin are spending some quality time bonding over it over," D'Eon nodded in the direction of the pair. Grumbling under his breath, Durand stomped across the lobby towards the pair.

"Hey, Durand, could I have some of those airsick pills? They seemed to work the last time…" D'Eon asked. "I'll pass them to you at the airport," Durand grinned over his shoulder.

* * *

Later on the flight…

"D'Eon?" Anna glanced over at her dozing boyfriend. He had only mumbled something intelligible in his sleep. She had agreed to switch places with Robin and sit in coach so that she could spend the flight with D'Eon. "He is such a dork. Whatever do you see in him?" Robin asked when she offered to swap seats with him to be with D'Eon. "I admit he is a bit of a dork, but he's my dork," Anna had replied.

No doubt Robin was now enjoying himself with the entertainment system in first class_. Ah well, at least she could enjoy looking at his peaceful face._ He must be so tired after all that filming.

She contently lay back facing D'Eon. _Dare she?_ She peered over to Teillagory and Durand. The cameraman was engrossed in looking out of the window. The soundman was browsing through the _International Herald_.

She took a deep breath and leaned over, planting a kiss on D'Eon's lips as he slept. Her sleeping prince…

Her heart leapt as D'Eon stirred. "I don't wanna go to school today, maman…" he murmured in his sleep. He settled back into his dreams. Anna giggled behind her hand.

"Sweet dreams, D'Eon…" Anna closed her eyes with a smile on her lips.

Another ten hours and a transit stop before they land at Charles de Gaulle airport… It was going to be a long pleasant flight for her.

In first class, Max and Lia were busy discussing their wedding plans. "How do you feel about becoming Mrs Robespierre?" Maximilien smiled and caressed Lia's hand. "Mrs Robespierre? I think I would keep my maiden name," Lia replied impishly. "As you wish, soon-to-be Lia Robespierre nee de Beaumont," Maximilien kissed her on the cheek. When Lia did not protest, he allowed the kisses to trace along her jaw and down to the nape of her neck.

"Max, not now! We're in public," Lia gasped. "Shall we?" she glanced at the washroom. Max nodded his assent. The pair left their seats.

Ten minutes later, a worried flight attendant hovered outside the washroom, from which loud gasps, moans and other noises rose and fell in a symphony of lovemaking. "Mademoiselle, I would let them be if I were you," Robin suggested. He had an ear against the door and was listening in on the show. "I am enjoying this too much," he added mischievously. Auguste gave Robin a quizzical look before his mother hustled him over to watch a Disney movie on the entertainment system.

**Author's Notes:**

Naughty, naughty Lia and Max making out in the washroom. D'Eon got kissed and he slept right through it.


	17. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

You are hereby invited to the wedding of Maximilien and Lia…

**Epilogue**

The stately wedding march started up. D'Eon nervously adjusted his tie. He glanced at the bride next to him. Lia looked awfully pale under her veil. "Sis, are you feeling alright?"

"Just the butterflies…" Lia gasped and took a deep breath. Anna glanced backwards over her shoulder. She looked exquisitely lovely in that simple bridesmaid's dress. D'Eon swallowed hard. Maximilien was inside the church waiting at the altar with his best man Durand. Old Master Teillagory was acting as their cameraman. The ring-bearer was Robin, who was now stepping slowly over the threshold and through the opening church doors.

D'Eon glanced at Lia again as she clutched his elbow. He was to give her away at the altar as her oldest surviving male kinsman since their father had passed away. It was a pity the wedding gown did little to hide her advanced condition. She was huge. The effort of walking with that extra weight was wearing her out. It was partially her fault, since she had an argument with Max over the church service and pulled a runaway bride on him. She wanted a perfect wedding but snow was not expected in Paris given the heat wave. The snow machine Durand dug up in the Vee TV storeroom was most disappointing. She had Maximilien digging out every source and hideaway in Paris to find her while she spent a full two months fuming in Nice.

She then took a ferry to England to visit Aunt Mary in a temper when Maximilien refused to have Durand as best man after the latter made some unkind remarks about her while drunk. It was thanks to Aunt Mary that she returned to Maximilien in time to have their baby born within wedlock. Anna crossed the threshold. Soon it was their turn.

Their family and friends clapped politely as they marched in. The bride was heavily pregnant. There was a faint look of disapproval on the priest's face but he would go through with the ceremony all the same. Maximilien had chosen him for that. They had to do some penance and listen to a lecture against fornication and the sin of lust, but getting the wedding properly done in church was worth it. The bridegroom now gazed upon his fair bride in a state of pure bliss and joy as she glided down the aisle at her brother's elbow.

"Take care of her," D'Eon hissed to Maximilien as he symbolically handed Lia to his care, but not without relief. Lia was really clasping his elbow hard as they marched in. She was probably nervous. D'Eon hoped she was really okay. Max nodded. The priest cleared his throat and droned on. D'Eon stepped aside and found himself standing next to Anna. He would really like a church wedding like his sister's. He could almost see Anna in a bridal gown, coming down the aisle towards him as he waited at the altar. Durand and Robin stood at attention behind the bridal couple. Teillagory continued filming through his video cam.

Aunt Mary and Uncle George were at the back. They had passed them on the way in. Uncle George was dozing off and Aunt Mary prodding him awake. The newly-divorced Marie and her young son Auguste were present and sitting in the front pew. Her ex-husband was nowhere in sight. Lia declined to extend an invite to him. The little boy was fidgeting throughout the ceremony. Lia and Max's colleagues and friends were all present. It was gloriously beautiful day.

Robin stepped forward with the rings at Durand's cue. The bridal pair exchanged rings. D'Eon imagined how it would be like to slip a gold ring about Anna's darling finger and promise to cherish and love her always...

"I now pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride…" the priest declared. Max deftly lifted Lia's veil and kissed her on the lips to the thunderous applause from the congregation.

Suddenly, Auguste let out a shout. "He's kissing Anna!" A nervous twitter ran through the congregation as the applause died. The bride's brother was kissing the bridesmaid, who had clearly been caught unaware by his actions. However, she made no firm protest nor effort to stop him.

The priest opened and closed his mouth like a landed fish. This was not supposed to happen in a traditional church wedding. Max and Lia and stopped their lip-lock to gaze upon the sight.

"D'Eon, you sly devil!" Durand clapped vigorously and the clapping was picked up with fervour by the guests. D'Eon and Anna blushed red. Anna's lips tasted like the sweetest honey to D'Eon and he was unwilling to end their kiss yet, now that he had somehow managed to bring himself to kiss her, in front of everyone else to boot D'Eon snaked his arm round Anna's waist as she threatened to swoon and Anna threw her arm about D'Eon's neck, inevitably deepening their kiss. The applause rose like a tide, until…

"Darling! My water just broke!" Lia let loose a cry of alarm. True enough, the hem of her gown was wet. "The baby's coming!" She had been feeling the cramps since morning but had not expected her labour to progress so swiftly. D'Eon and Anna broke off their kiss and disentangled their arms.

"Call an ambulance!" Max called out as he gently lowered his new wife so that she was lying on the nearest pew, which their guests had obligingly emptied. He snatched the video-cam from Teillagory with a hasty apology. They had agreed to record the birth of their child by video and he was going to keep that promise to Lia. Robin whipped out his mobile phone and dialled for an ambulance. The cameraman and ringbearer then hurried out to the main road to direct the ambulance. Marie and Aunt Mary apologetically ushered the guests out while D'Eon and Durand borrowed the church's rood screen to offer Lia some privacy.

"I'm sorry, Father… Perhaps you could baptise the little one if he comes before the EMTs get here…" Anna said sweetly. Everyone knew Parisian traffic was horrific at this hour.

"Deep breaths… Breathe, one… two…" Max coaxed. He had not accompanied Lia to a half-dozen prenatal classes for nothing. Lia steadied her breathing. The baby was definitely coming. "Sis… Durand says there has been a triple vehicle pile-up at the intersection… the ambulance can't get through… hang in there…" D'Eon peered behind the rood screen. He took his sister's hand in his. Expecting the coming birth, Max was busy positioning himself to get the best view of his child's entry into the world.

"You better edit anything you don't want Robin to put on Youtube before returning that camera to Teillagory!" Lia warned as another spasm shook her. She squeezed her brother's hand hard. D'Eon yelped. "A little more, Lia honey. I can see the head…" Maximilien said. D'Eon looked away. He did not want to be party to some mysteries of life yet.

A baby's wail rang through the church as the firstborn child of Maximilien and Lia Robespierre came forth into the world. "It's a little girl. Isn't she lovely?" Anna announced. She wrapped the infant in a shawl she had borrowed from Aunt Mary and placed the little bundle of joy on Lia's breast. Maximilien gazed upon the little face of his daughter in a mix of wonder and awe. However, an exhausted Lia seemed to be still in labour.

Aunt Mary returned with a towel borrowed from the long-suffering priest. The poor man had retired to his sacristy after eliciting a promise from her and Durand to put everything back in order afterwards. The Englishwoman suspected that the priest was busy fortifying himself with some wine after the unexpected turn of events. "Is the other one out yet?" she asked.

"Other one?" Maximilien, Anna and D'Eon gaped. "Oh dear, she meant it to be a surprise," Aunt Mary covered her mouth in mock shock. Maximilien hastened to pick up the video-cam as his son came into the world. D'Eon yelped as Lia pushed and gripped his hand like a vise.

By the time the EMTs came through the doors, the bride was carrying her newborn daughter as her proud husband cradled his infant son. Both mother and children were whisked off to the nearest maternity ward for a check-up and subsequent discharge with a clean bill of health.

* * *

_Three weeks later…_

"Aren't they darling?" Anna cooed at the twins as they happily gurgled in their crib. "They look like their mother…" D'Eon and Anna had agreed to babysit the infants while their parents were out purchasing baby diapers, bottles and other products that they needed. Little Natalia and Maximilien Jr were already making their presence felt by their parents with a vengeance. D'Eon noted that both Maximilien and Lia were sporting dark rings about their eyes from one too many midnight feedings and diaper changes.

"They are lovely…" D'Eon agreed. "Anna, there is one thing I must know…"

"What is it, D'Eon?" Anna bestowed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"Anna, I love you. Will you marry me after your graduation? I will wait, I promise…" D'Eon blurted out. Anna giggled and through her arms around his neck. "Of course, D'Eon!"

**Author's Notes:**

Er, I think D'Eon got it mixed up somehow. Propose, then kiss before a crowded church at a wedding…

What an entry the twins made into this world. Born in a church at their parents' wedding. In case you are wondering, their baptism took place two weeks later, after the parents sorted out what names they wanted to call their children. By the way, in my other fic Legacy of the Psalms, the couple's twins are also named Natalia and Maximilien.

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